Day 031 – Scooting around ….
31 January 2021
Context
Welcome to Day 31!
Wow! The end of the first month of Tarot Days. It seems a little surreal getting to this point. So much has happened and so little at the same time. By that I mean, my life changed part way through the month and forced some internal reflections I hadn’t planned on.
Summary of today (retrospectively speaking). I woke up late, I only do that these days when I visit my friends or family. Basically, it’s like the only time I get to heal. I’m safe and cared for in their homes and it gives me a warm feeling to be in their energy. Late mornings also seems compensate for the lack of nap-ability through the day.
Not that I don’t feel safe or cared for at home, I do. However, when at home there’s usually something that needs doing. Some project or another that I’ve cooked up. These things disappear when I visit family and friends. There is an exception to this if the households have children in which case you’re greeted with the, “are you awake yet?” question. The question doesn’t stop being asked until you say “no, go away!”. *grin*
Today, I figure my body must have needed the rest – this healing stuff takes its toll.
The other exciting thing that happened today was that I got a SCOOTER! This is amazing, I’m hoping it will make mobility easier when venturing outside the house.
Let’s see what the cards have to say!
Today's Cards
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Laziness was the first and sits in the Now position. For those that have read previous posts, you will have realised that I don’t like this card very much. Before the day even begins seeing this card in the Future Energy, Outcome, Now or Feelings positions stoops my shoulders.
By waking up late and then seeing this card, I felt I was already on the back foot for the day. And the truth is that I did want to take it easy today. I’d gotten a little ahead or at the very least caught up with some of the activities I wanted to complete by today. There was a part of me that today went … “what the hey?”. I’m going to be lazy.
Perhaps that’s the whole point of the card’s continual appearance. Learn to recognise it perhaps rest for a few moments but don’t let what you’ve worked for crumble – monitor the relaxing you do. Especially, if Laziness appears in the Now position.
Rebirth Influences the Now position and was the second card today. If read at the surface level it could simply mean that it’s the Rebirth of Laziness. But it could be that the Rebirth card is preventing or blocking Laziness take a full hold. This could be the monitoring I just spoke about.
Rebirth then is about taking time to heal and “rebirth” the molecules that need to mend the cracks in the bone.
The Lovers is in the Goal position and was the third card. The Lovers card is all about reconciling the change made within yourself and about recognising that others around you act as a reflection of you. My husband is patient and amazing. It’s good to have someone representing the traits I aspire to have in my life around.
Comparison was the fourth card and sits in the Distant Past position. Again, another card I sometimes struggle with when used in a negative light. This is not so when the card sits in the Distant Past position. In the past, I may have compared myself to others but that comparison now falls by-the-by now. The measuring stick has dramatically shifted.
Healing was the fifth and is in the Recent Past position. The cards today seem to be reflecting the face value meaning – love it! The longer sleep, the waking up late… all to do with healing. It’s too good to not use in this manner in this position. It ties in the with Laziness card being in the Now and the Rebirth card sitting in the Influence position quite nicely.
Totality was the sixth and is in the Future Energy position. In the Osho deck, this card represents immersing yourself and committing to the course at hand. Of course, Osho is about totally being in each moment fully. However, this could be about committing wholly to the healing process. This means accepting that Laziness may play a part and that some things won’t get done while Healing is undertaken.
Consciousness was the seventh card and sits in the Feelings or immediate future position. Consciousness is about full awareness and has a similar message to that of Totality. My feelings toward resting on my laurels and the eroding of progress is something I am aware of have made a conscious choice to follow.
Experiencing was the eighth and sits in the Other People’s Views position. This could be when we were picking up the mobility kneeling scooter. I was new to the experience and simply enjoying the newness of the experience.
Silence was the ninth and is in the Hopes & Fears position. Beautiful and blissful silence. Of course, this can’t simply be about silence as the absence of physical noise. This Silence is about blending into the universe and being one with it.
The interpretation today is simply that I hope to reach this point constantly like represented in Totality. Fear being the other side of that coin is that I fear that I will lose myself in the absorption process. Although I know that I won’t.
Conditioning was the tenth and final card and sits in the Outcome position. Based on the cards sitting in the Now, Influence, Recent Past, Future, Feelings positions it’s clear to me that this card is wanting me to condition or school myself into developing a mindset away from self-recrimination every time I need to heal. It doesn’t do me or anyone else any good – which is what is reflected in The Lovers card.
References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, ISBN 0-312-11733-7 (St Martin’s Press)
Day 030 – Gifts to brighten a day!
30 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 30!
The context and pretext for today was that I again would be spending most of my day on the lounge with my leg raised waiting stuff from a streaming provider. The day was not going to be a cut and paste from the Day 29 because it was a weekend and my husband was home with me.
Sleeping last night was a bit problematic because I managed to get a nap in yesterday. Yes, a fabled nap. At midnight I remembered why I didn’t like naps through the day… and at 1:00 in the morning.
After trying and failing at several techniques which have had a great success rate of getting me to sleep, I simply got up and made myself a cup of camomile tea. While I was waiting for the tea to steep, I fell asleep on the lounge. Sleep at last … Zzzz.
Through the day there was some TV watching but not as much as yesterday – thank goodness. I’m sure my eyes were becoming square.
Husband did the lawn, trimmed the trees and cleaned the water feature. All stuff, I would normally help him with or even just do myself. So, I thought I would grab the crutches and head outdoors to watch and provide verbal support.
Turns out the idea was more appealing than reality. The practical application of heading outdoors became challenging on the sloping driveway and the wind blowing at my dress. There was a reluctant retreat and the heckling I hoped to deliver went by unexpressed.
Part of the reason I wanted to head outdoors was to keep my hand in using the crutches. There’s a fear that if I don’t use it and keep up the skill I might fall over again. To-date I’ve been fortunate with repeat falls in that there have been no real consequences. So you may ask, what have I been using if haven’t been using crutches?
You see, back when my mother broke her leg about 15 years ago she discovered a nifty way of getting around her single level, tiled and floor boarded house. In my old room she discovered an old school chair which I hadn’t thrown out yet.
It was small, armless and free wheeling student chair. She sat on the seat to test out its sturdiness and its wheel-ability and in no time my mum was whizzing about the house backwards. I never understood the reason for the backwards until I go my own.
Backwards feels safer. Firstly, there seems to be a little more control and if you misjudge a push and bump into a wall your injury is safe. Having your back push in the back rest also provides a bit of resistance and you get a better push. The problem with the student chair is that it is designed for children and therefore might not feel sturdy for a long term solution. Best off going with the solutions designed for the mobility impaired.
After lunch there was a lovely surprise from my mother, when a beautiful bunch of flowers arrived. It’s one of the more beautifully presented flower bouquets I’ve received. Please note that none of the flowers I have ever received have ever been ugly! The presentation from delivery wrap to table top presentation was amazing!
They really brightened my day!
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
The Dream appears in the Now position one and is the first card for the day. The Dream is about unrealistic and romantic notions. If you like an example of this might be watching or reading something and believing that the “happily ever after” is something taken for granted.
With respect to today’s events, I can safely say that The Dream was about me heading outdoors to heckle my husband and the notion of it being dreamier than reality.
The Influence and second position was occupied the Beyond Illusion card. It seems a fitting card to sit as Influence over The Dream acting as a correction and providing a reality check for me in my current circumstance.
The Goal and third position was occupied by Sorrow. Sorrow, while sounding like a sad card also points toward enlightenment via tears and sadness. The goal expressed in the Goal position isn’t always clearly identifiable at the beginning of the day. Shattering of a dream is a sad event and enlightenment certainly hit me in the head.
The Creator occupies position four and that of the Distant Past. The Creator also appeared in yesterday’s reading in Other People’s Views. Where I mentioned it is about connecting with your inner source and doing something with it.
The distinction between The Creator and The Source cards is that one is the pure energy the other is the user of the energy. Much like a potter is one that works with clay. Clay being the source and the potter being the creator. However, in the Osho deck the card is all about working on your inner self.
Working with this intent, I was The Creator of the circumstance I now find myself in. Not directly, of course, it’s not like I went, “ooh, I think I could go with a broken ankle right about now!”. But my choices did lead me to have weekend break in Tweed Heads and the consequence is simply part of living life.
But my life choices keep steering me into situations where I have to constantly face my character and not always successfully – *sad face emoji*. So, the card of The Creator fits nicely into the Distant Past and its consequence is reflected in the creation and shattering of The Dream.
Letting Go is the fifth card to appear and sits in the Recent Past position. Letting Go fittingly describes what I needed to do to move on from The Dream. There’s not much more to say on this card in this position, except maybe that the incident has highlighted that I’ve been in the process of letting go of a lot of things.
Consciousness is the sixth card to appear and sits in the Future Energy position. Consciousness is the equivalent of being stone cold sober with complete awareness. Aware of all the pieces that combine to make you “you” or in this situation make the situation the situation.
What do I mean by that? I mean that The Dream that was an illusion of my circumstances has been shattered and it took that very simple activity of wanting to go outside to bring about the change. Not every monumental awakening needs to happen with drama or fireworks. Shifts in consciousness happen everyday and some small changes pass us by without ever being noticed. That is, until one day you ask yourself, “what ever happened to that belief?”.
Conditioning was the seventh card to appear in the Feelings about the Now position. This is simple, I have conditioned myself to be constantly optimistic in my ability to respond quickly to new situations. I’ve always had a balance between being good at academic topics and had reasonable success with most sports without too much effort.
Add to this conditioning the fact that in my work life I have been required to adapt quickly to new jobs on a regular basis – life as a contractor for nine years saw me occupy 40-45 different roles working across different industries too. This conditioned me to feel that I was able to triumph over pretty much anything quickly.
Breaking from my conditioning is something I feel that I need to do now that I have limited mobility. After all, this for me is temporary and relatively minimal despite what the doctors have said about its serious nature. I can walk. I can get around. I count myself lucky.
Success was the eighth card to appear and occupies the Other People’s Views position. Again, my exposure to other people has been limited but I expect that this might relate to my mother’s sending of flowers. There’s just a feeling of riding high when you receive flowers.
For me, it’s like I’ve done something right to receive such a beautiful expression of love to help me get well. This isn’t something our family does regularly so I suspect it might also be to sweeten the guilt she’s feeling about calling on me for tech help. Of course, I have never expected anything for the assistance. It’s just what kids all over the world do for parents because they love them.
Suppression was the ninth card and occupies the Hopes & Fears position. Suppression appeared in yesterday’s reading in the Feelings position and it’s transition to a hope or fear makes sense to me.
I don’t like suppressing who I am. The shattering of the The Dream card makes me question just how many more of these notions I have and that is the fear. My hope is that the shattering of this dream situation is the last.
Guilt is in the Outcome position and was the tenth card today. In the Osho deck Guilt is an unproductive emotion. Interestingly, the Guilt in the Hopes & Fears position of yesterday has moved into the Outcome position. Given the description I gave yesterday of my fear then, of me taking healing into my own hands, I don’t think that the Guilt card today is a carry over from yesterday.
There is a little bit of guilt surrounding the receipt of flowers from my mother for simply being injured. I can, however, appreciate that at times we want to express our feelings with more than just words for our family members.
Link to References
Flowers were from ‘Only Roses’ in Brisbane, Queensland.
Day 029 – A Drift Day is Special
29 January 2021
Today's Cards
Drift Day Context
With limited capacity, there is not much I am anticipating will happen in the day. Perhaps I will manage to whittle the day away, bingeing on some TV shows successfully. It’s a good opportunity for a drift day.
This bingeing will probably impact anything and everything that is going on in my life.
On the upside, there is the possibility that my mother will ring me to see how I’m going and seek help setting up her new printer. All I can say to that is, thank goodness for TeamViewer! TeamViewer has made tech support a lot easier.
You may be asking what is a “drift day”? When I speak of drift days, I’m talking about a day where you don’t have anything. You know, when you’ve done everything, you need to do. For instance, when the housework is complete, I don’t have any shopping left to do. There are no outstanding projects, like changing the fish tank water, sweeping leaves off the deck or raking the grass.
To be clear, it does mean ignoring things like tidying up inside the cupboards, cleaning the windows, or even cleaning up under the bed. It’s just about getting to a specific point. It’s a day that becomes yours to do what you want without the guilt.
Sometimes that means you’re a little bored or might be suffering a few moments of apathy. For me, it’s moments where I might get away with having a nap.
Let’s see what the cards had to say about the day.
The Cards - Drift Day Analysis
Carryover Cards
Yesterday No-thingness was in the Now position, and today it’s in the Influencer position. Does this mean that yesterday’s situation is influencing how I started looking at it today? Let’s take a look.
Cross - first three
The Intensity card was the first out and is in the Now spot. Interestingly, Intensity was also in yesterday’s reading but in the “how other people saw me” position. Intensity is about setting your boundaries and your path. It sometimes means ignoring good, sage or expert advice and trusting what you judge to be valid and applicable to you. It also means accepting responsibility for veering off the advised path.
Just a quick disclaimer, for those who love me, it is not my intention to veer from medical advice – so don’t get nervous *smile*.
No-thingness was the second card and has appeared in the Influence position. No-thingness or potential is influencing or blocking my ability to connect with myself. If read as a blocker, it would read as me overawed by the scope of potential.
What was boundless optimism yesterday is perhaps too many options today. Too many options are certainly the case when it comes to writing and ideas on improving the website. There was a moment when I found some code on how to upload a font I like. Maybe it means going rogue with the theme coding?
Participation was the third card and is in the Goal position. Participation in the Osho deck means embracing life and being a part of it. Note, this card also appeared in yesterday’s reading but was in the Influence spot of position two. It has moved from simply influencing my potential to becoming a goal.
In the Goal position, I would like to get out and about and interact with people and has become a focus. As mentioned yesterday, getting back to work and participating in my everyday life has been on my mind, even while being a little on the scary side.
Cross - next three
Control was the fourth card and occupied the Distant Past position. Its image is of a stern man, and everything about the card speaks of inflexibility. This inflexibility can form a basis for rebellion.
If I were honest with myself, and I am certainly trying to be with everyone. I felt deflated by the amount of time the medical profession advised me to wear the cast. It just seemed very inflexible to me. Sadly, there’s very little I can do about it except take care of myself in the recommended manner.
The Dream has shown up in the Recent Past position and is card number five. The Dream card is that of having romantic and/or unrealistic expectations of a particular scenario. In this case, it might be my expectation that I will heal quicker than the professionals think.
As mentioned in the Distant Past position, I was crestfallen when I had six weeks of resting my foot in the elevated position prescribed. Stubbornly, I am still of the (possibly unrealistic) view that I will recover quicker than anticipated.
This unrealistic romantic notion makes way for a new Innocence. Innocence is the card that appears in the Future Energy position and was card number six. This position moves the reading from the known into what is likely. The Dream may gain a measure of reality and appear as Innocence. It is stripping back expectations and experiencing the circumstance with a pureness of heart instead.
It is essential to make a distinction between Innocence and naivety. Naivety is the lack of experience. The Osho deck depicts an older person beneath the heading of Innocence. Showing the man certainly has the experience, but he has shed expectations. He engages the interaction with a praying mantis with pureness of heart.
Base 1 - Feelings & Others' Views
Position seven is about the Feelings I have toward Intensity. Card seven today is Suppression. Suppression over Intensity, or it’s the Suppression of my path and my vision. Is there a part of me that might be feeling like going rogue? Definitely. But how? Everything the medical professionals have said about what I need to do to heal makes sense, except maybe the six weeks. For now, follow as required.
Oh, dear. I’m falling into the trap everyone falls into, seeking the quick fix.
Perhaps, I simply cannot relate to this card at the moment. Hmmm. Having written that, I don’t have any ideas about my health. Could kinesiology do anything? (No friends, it will not conflict with medical advice).
Other People’s Views is the eighth position, and its card is The Creator. The Creator is about connecting to the source within and manifesting its radiance outward. Considering I spent most of the day socialising with my mother and my husband, I’m uncertain of whether they think this or not. So, I’m just going to let it drop there.
Base 2 - Hopes, Fears & Outcome
The ninth position is Hopes & Fears, and Guilt is its card. Guilt is the card that spells out the “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” situation, which means that no matter the choice, the result will have a toll on personal agony.
It’s a strange card to appear in the Hopes & Fears position but going with the “hope” aspect of the coin first. I hope not to feel guilty about going my own way and healing the way I need to feel; sometimes, this means that those around me find me frustrating and stupidly stubborn.
As for the “fear” aspect, if I choose to go with Suppression of my way of doing things and pleasing those around me, I fear that I might manifest something else in my body. I was storing anger which might reveal itself in a misdirected situation at a later stage.
Since today was a “mild” day, and my rebellion is minor – if any – I’m hoping that I’m not suppressing something meaningful from myself *smile*.
Today’s Outcome being position ten has Rebirth as its card. Rebirth is about letting go of ego, the mind, washing away old ideas. It’s the beginning of a new life or chapter – on a minor scale. It’s one of those moments when you look back in years to come and realise that the fractured ankle was ages ago.
The fractured ankle is associated forever together with the launching of the website My Soul Embrace. Many tiny little learnings amount to a significant transformation that isn’t necessarily seen at the moment but appears only on reflection later.
Link to References
Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen
Day 028 – Not getting things done
28 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 28!
Today was the first day with the new cast on and I’m already experiencing some minor benefit. I was able to lie on my side for a short period of time this morning, which was pure heaven! Of course, I needed to keep the leg elevated. Worth it!
When the cards were being dealt, I dismayed when the Laziness card appeared in the Outcome position. Normally it’s such a trigger to get me active on all the outstanding tasks around the house. Not this time.
This time was different because the restrictions I was feeling with the new cast were certainly affecting my mood. Perhaps it was because regardless of the news from the hospital being positive, the whole process of swapping casts was exhausting. The exhaustion was causing me to be apathetic and certainly brought out my inner procrastinator. A sure sign that the Laziness card would prove a self-fulfilling prophecy today.
Most of the day was spent sitting with my leg elevated wanting to sleep and not being able to get to it because sleeping during the day is something I struggle with. It requires a massive mental letting go from me that despite not having anything on my mind keeps me awake.
It’s probably because the sun is up I feel I need to be up. I imagine that if I were ever to travel to a place where the sun is up for days and days I’d struggle initially.
By the end of the day the list of chores I wanted to get done went undone. Even when I tried to focus on the things I needed to do I let myself get distracted by one red herring after another.
In the end my laziness didn’t pay off and I ended up working later than I needed to. All because I let myself get distracted. Luckily there wasn’t too much damage and the Laziness card provided a warning not to get to it.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
No-thingness was the first card in the Now position and sets the outlook for the day. No–thingness translates as “potential” to me, as opposed to reading it as “nothingness”. It’s the vacant lot waiting for an idea of what it could be used for. It’s a good card to start the day with and certainly reflected the grand ideas of what I would have liked to achieve for the day.
My problem was where to start. So much I’d like to do. None of it immediate. All of it important-ish and would need to get done at some point.
Participation was the second card and is placed in the Influencer or Blocker position. It reflects what might be encouraging me or discouraging me from fulfilling the day’s potential. This card can be seen that if I’m participating in life activities I’m ignoring the day’s potential – another way of saying that I could get distracted by participating in diversions.
The Goal position has the Clinging to the Past card. There is certainly an element of truth to that today. I miss full use of my ankle, my walks, my attempts at yoga and crossing my legs to meditate. Me behaving myself today by sitting with leg elevated although feeling like doing nothing is me doing my darndest to get back to that state.
Of course, this ties in nicely with the Distant Past card of Abundance. Abundance in this situation being when I was able to do all the things I missed, partially unaware of their value.
Schizophrenia is in the Recent Past position and was the fifth card. Schizophrenia possibly signifies the break between Abundance (being able to do things freely) and Clinging to the Past (wishing I could do things freely again) to the “break” being the cause of the change in attitude.
The sixth card in the Future Energy position is Exhaustion. To be quite honest I would have expected this card to show itself sooner than at day 28. But Exhaustion is just about physical exhaustion it’s also about mental and spiritual exhaustion too. It’s constantly trying to live up to ideals that are constructs of a persona that doesn’t work anymore.
It’s trying to live up to self-imposed or perceived impositions that can wear you out if you’re not prepared to let go and adapt. I’m hearing ya! Things for me have to change but fighting it will breed exhaustion.
The seventh card is about Feelings toward potential and today it’s reflected in the card of Ripeness. Ripeness is the perfect time to pick fruit or to make a change and while I’ve enjoyed my pity party, I’m about ready to let it go – if only I wasn’t Clinging to the Past!
The eighth card reflects Other People’s Views and has the Intensity card. The Intensity card is about finding your inner core and inner strength. Thankfully, my pity party appears to just be taking place on the inside.
Hopes & Fears is the ninth spot and has the Ice-olation card occupying it. When I see this card I always feel a little sad. Not in a pity kind of way but more like when you have to tell a child they’re not allowed outside because it’s raining. How does that relate to the overall layout or even reflect a hope or fear?
The thing that has been playing on my mind is work. Mainly the fact that I need to go back to work next week. I know I’ll cope. There’s certainly a part of me that is looking forward (hope) going back, or would have been had it been in the office.
There were many years where work followed me home, the way I was able to shut off was the second I walked in my front door at home, work was forgotten and home life began. Working from home, while at times I love it, has its drawbacks. I don’t like mixing work life with home life and the physical separation makes it easier to draw the line.
My fear then is that work will consume too much of my home life. Let’s face it I envy people that are able to look at the clock at X o’clock and just pack up and go home.
The Outcome position is position ten and is occupied by the Laziness card. Needless to say I have already spoken about this card. Reflecting back on the day, Laziness did certainly feature as an outcome because I needed to play a lot of catch up to get things to a state where I like to leave them at the end of the day.
Tomorrow’s another day right … hope to see you then.
Link to References
No additional references today.
Random thoughts on Australia Day!
For those unaware 26 January in Australia Day in, you guessed it, Australia. This is when the European settlers claimed Australia as its own. Unfortunately, this neglected the thousands of years of occupation by the incumbent indigenous population, the Australian aborigines. To them Australia Day is known as Invasion Day.
Thankfully, society has moved from the barbaric actions of the new comers to finally acknowledge and treat with respect the indigenous population. There has been talk of moving the day, however, I think this is unlikely.
Australia Day is a day where the efforts Australians have made to Australia for whatever reason receive awards. The problem with this is when it comes to acknowledging the outstanding indigenous contributors who struggle with the day.
Now, I am far from an expert in indigenous affairs and therefore anything I put forward is not meant to be offensive to anyone at all. But there’s a part of me that has always thought that there should be two days for Australia Day. The 25 January celebrating the indigenous population’s contribution. Being on the day before Australia Day being symbolic of their existence before European’s landed.
Twenty-six January can then be for the celebration of landing on the wonderful soil that is Australia for the European settlers. Perhaps we need another day, the 27 January to celebrate the harmony between the two parties. But perhaps 13 February “Sorry Day” is a better day to celebrate the coming together of the traditional owners and the new settlers. It’s probably too messy for me to figure out.
Day 027 – Hospital Consult
27 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 27!
Before the visit: Today has on the table a visit to the Fractures Clinic for a consult on the progress of my broken ankle. The clinic is to check whether I get to remove the temporary cast and put on a new one. The doctor at the clinic, will also decide whether I need surgery or not.
Hopefully, I will also get to see what the injury looks like on the X-ray. Seeing the breaks will tell me how I can direct my mental focus on healing the injury.
From there, I’m in responsive mode or simply in the lap of the gods because I have no idea whether we will be in the hospital for an hour or half or all day.
After the visit: we arrived at the Fractures Clinic right on time after racing through the entrance preparations: sanitise hands, grab a mask if necessary. From there is was a one and a half hour wait to get in to see the clinic.
At first, I was frustrated by not getting in on time. Once I realised it wasn’t going to happen quickly, I put my feet up on a pillow provided by a nurse to keep my foot elevated until a bed became available for me.
Finally wheeled into the clinic and was asked whether I could make the bed on my own or whether I needed assistance. My reply was, “I got this”, accompanied by a very loud fart! To which I responded, “see, I told you I got this especially with the extra wind assistance!”. This got a chuckle from everyone. And although the incident did not get mentioned again, the camaraderie it generated with the team looking after me was just a touch warmer. It’s really amazing what a sense of humour can do for you in a tight situation.
OMG! Red-faced and laughing I managed to get onto the bed and noticed that the teenage boy on the other bed was studiously trying not to laugh. Oh…. embarrassment *smiley face*.
It was at this point that I managed to see my foot in x-ray. Personally, I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined. The bone was still joined and this was something I hadn’t expected. On the whole, I didn’t think it was too bad.
There was a horizontal crack 75% of the way through the Fibula and two vertical cracks not on the fibula. Not sure of their location as I didn’t get a close enough look to determine exactly where. To my mind they seemed smaller and will hopefully heal quicker – I could have asked more questions but no-one exhibited any concerning vibes.
When my mother broke both her bones fibula and tibia they were completely cracked and there were splinters of bone that needed to be fixed and the gap was big in the crack. So, my expectations of this was it was broken all the way through and needed aligning and all sorts of complicated stuff. By comparison, mine looked completely tame.
From there it was a trip to x-ray to make sure that nothing had moved since I left Tweed Heads. Nothing had – bonus! The doctor was called and assessed that my injury was on the border of needing surgery or not. However, since the first x-rays heading had already begun and was progressing well and because the bone wasn’t separated. With careful nurturing over the next six weeks it will see it healed without the need for surgery.
I wasn’t in any hurry for surgery but the prognosis seemed to be not to need it providing I behaved myself. Meaning not falling, keeping the leg elevated and ensuring that it does not become load bearing until the doctor says so. Argh…. I’m so conflicted!
There was a guy at work (for story purposes I will call him Bruce) who went skiing the same week he got his proper cast put on. He had his brother remove the cast so he could put his foot into ski boots.
Bruce’s reasoning being that downhill ski boots were just as tight as the cast and would keep his bones locked into place. True. Nonetheless after two weeks skiing he went back to the doctor and the doctor was impressed with the advanced stage of healing his bones were in.
Later the medical profession had identified that putting pressure on the bone forces the body to focus on healing the area and it heals quicker. This is the “shortcut” I had hoped to make.
Couple of things that worked in Bruce’s favour were that he had a plate holding the whole break together, he was younger than me, and had already booked a non-refundable skiing holiday.
The things going against me are, I have three fractures – one horizontal and two vertical. The pressure might only help if there was one fracture going in only one direction. My years as a secretary for a structural engineering firm taught me something about cracks and pressure.
So, I’m going to have to do the right thing and follow advice as much as my impatience is pushing at my boundaries of patience. Patience is quite comfortable to letting impatience rage because there’s nothing impatience will accomplish at the moment.
The cool thing is that I got a lighter cast that went all the way around as well as a pretty purple – incidentally the colour of emotional and spiritual healing – to make me feel better about having the cast.
That was the day. Now what do the cards have to say about it….
The Cards - Analysis
Creativity is the first card out in the Now position with the Stress card influencing or blocking Creativity. This make a strange kind of sense. In the waiting room I needed to get creative to pass the time while the stress of not being see to or knowing what was happening was looming.
If you see the two cards as constantly cycling through the day the dance between Creativity and Stress could have happened on an hourly basis at each situation. First in the waiting room, then in the consultation area, the x-ray department, waiting for x-rays et cetera.
The Goal could be seen as the metaphorical Rebirth of my bone healing. It was a renewed hope that surgery would not be necessary and while I begrudge the additional two weeks in a cast. The long term benefits of not having surgery outweigh the immediate need for it. Let’s not confuse this for me being anti-surgery, if the doctor’s recommendation would have been to have it.
My training to trust subject matter experts would have agreed to it too. It does help that the doctor was echoing just about word for word what the Tweed Head hospital orthopedic specialists had said, without them committing another doctor to a course of action they may or may not take. After all time and swelling reduction needed to occur first before they would be willing to give a definitive course of action too.
Harmony was the fourth card and is in the Distant Past position and We are the World in the Recent Past position. For the purposes of the distant and recent past positions these two cards are very similar in my mind right now. We are the World is just a slightly watered down version of Harmony.
That means from the synchronicity of Harmony, and I’m guessing it stems from Tweed Heads hospital, prompt ambulance, and care from Alicia to the local doctor’s prompt referral to the clinic everything has been healing and working as well as it has. We are the World is simply and extension overlapping the latter events.
Comparison in the Future Energy position. There’s no surprise to this card appearing in this position reflecting how I would feel about things following the knowledge disclosed to me today regarding my healing path. Of course, I would be considering Bruce’s circumstances and reminding myself that I’m not him nor is the situation identical – plus I don’t really know all the facts for his incident either.
Not to mention that my mother, my mother-in-law and best friend’s mum have all gone through a similar thing and come out smiling. Again, I’m comparing… grr Yes. I’m aware that it’s useless to compare because comparison only makes me feel isolated in this circumstance.
Look at that, Ice-olation is the card that is in position seven reflecting the Feelings I have about the situation. Ice-olation is more about loneliness than the Aloneness card. Ice-olation is usually about the loneliness you create for yourself by not sharing your feelings.
Sometimes, it’s difficult when you’re home alone and don’t really feel like sharing, so it’s about wallowing. Wallow I did. No good dose of self-pity happens without a good scoop of wallowing.
Suppression is an interesting card to have in position which identifies Other People’s Views. To my mind, I didn’t think I was suppressing much. Perhaps my frustration about the weight but once the nurse visited and mentioned they were waiting for a bed, I was good.
The other area where the staff at the clinic may have thought I had been suppressing might be how stressed I was about the injury. Perhaps, they thought I was making light of the situation to mask my true worry on the topic. Guess we’ll never know even if it is interesting.
Breakthrough was the ninth card and is in the Hopes & Fears position. You bet, I was looking forward to gaining some knowledge breakthrough! That knowledge has the power to lift me into hope and cause me to fear it.
Hope that everything would be okay and that the injury wasn’t as bad as my mum’s had been and fear that it was more complicated and would require surgery. Surgery added to longer, more complicated and more merry persons looking after me. Don’t get me wrong, I love merry persons but I’m happy with the quotient I have now.
Morality is in the Outcome position of position ten. Morality is all about doing the right thing at the cost of having fun sometimes. It definitely feels like that is the outcome to my visit to the hospital today. It also sees me wanting to wish this temporary situation with my leg away.
Day 026 – Australia Day!
26 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 26!
On the whole today’s plan was to stay as immobile as possible with my ankle above heart height. This was going to be done by watching a lot of Netflix and YouTube. At the end of the day, that’s exactly what transpired and therefore there wasn’t much to write about.
But maybe the cards can eke out some thoughts and activities that happened today.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Moment to Moment card was the first and is in the Now position. From the outset the cards got the plan for the day; the plan was to go from one moment to the next without really planning what was next. Just being cautious where I step. Is it me, or are the cards being a bit cheeky when it shows me a man tenderly going from stepping stone to stepping stone and that’s kind of how I broke my ankle! Hmmm….
Transformation card was the second one today and is in the Influence position.
Compromise card was the third one today and is in the Goal position.
Comparison card was the fourth one today and is in the Distant Past position.
Participation card was the fifth one today and is in the Recent Past position.
Sorrow card was the sixth one today and is in the Future Energy position.
Adventure card was the seventh one today and is in the Feelings or immediate future position.
Conditioning card was the eighth one today and is in the Other People’s Views position.
Mind card was the ninth one today and is in the Hopes and Fears position.
The Lovers card was the tenth one today and is in the Outcome position.
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Day 025 – More Change!
25 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 25!
This is going to be short and sweet. The day was pretty much spent on the lounge or a chair all day keeping my leg above heart level. This for the most part meant lying down.
While this is doing wonders for the swelling, when you do finally move around to get lunch or relieve yourself, the rush of blood back to the previously raised limb heightens the pain.
Another thing that heightens the pain is the bandage has gotten a bit looser and with the swelling going down theres more movement within the cast too, which means friction. There even feels like a heel blister on the inside of the cast just to add another dimension to the spectrum of various pains. Like the half cast rubbing again the calves.
That aside, apparently my neighbour’s grandson had been influenced by seeing me on crutches and when he feel off his trike insisted on walking around with a cane until it got better at the end of the day! It’s incredibly sweet to hear.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Adventure card was the first and was in the Now position. Maybe the Adventure card is more about what I want to be doing than what I’m doing. Having said that although this whole experience comes with it frustrations there are certainly a lot of interesting and wonderful things being experience. That leads nicely into the next card of ….
Experiencing card was the second one today and was in the Influence position. Looking at the various days and expecting that they will be simply a cookie cutter copy from the day before has been surprising.
Each day, although from the outset seems like there is little to write about seems to have its own unique characteristics. For instance, I do not expect tomorrow to be much different than from today. Yet, my husband will be home and by that simple variable, it cannot be the same as today.
Existence card was the third one today and was in the Goal position. The Existence card is about appreciating that there is no one like you or that can ever be you, and that you matter and are necessary as you are and where you are. Existence is about awareness of this relevance. As a Goal, it’s always there.
The Master card was the fourth one today and was in the Distant Past position. In this position in the layout, it indicates that I have been able to exist outside of the cyclical daily grind even while being apart from it. The Master or this feeling is the foundation for seeing this experience (including my gripes) as and Adventure.
Healing card was the fifth one today and was in the Recent Past position. This card and this position get a “oh, dah!”. It’s all I’ve been focusing on and all you’ve been reading about. The pain of the healing process.
Compromise card was the sixth one today and was in the Future Energy position. This card is one of those cards that happens as part of life but it’s really fun. So, what was today’s compromise? I don’t have one for you. The card hasn’t eventuated or I’ve missed something, both of these options could apply.
Trust card was the seventh one today and was in the Feelings or immediate future position. This card does apply. The cards itself means that I need to trust the healing process and that everything will work out.
My mum rang today to remind me to be patient during these days of temporary cast wearing as she’s aware that I’m not particularly good at sitting still not getting anything done. Even typing these posts are a no-no. Surprising since it’s an ankle injury not a brain one. However, between the pain and the odd angles at which you need to type if you’re raising your leg, it would be easier not to do them.
We are the World card was the eighth one today and was in the Other People’s Views position. Okay, the only people I could gauge this from is my husband and my mother as my only contacts today. We are the World is about working together for a common goal. Thinking about this, my mum might think that husband and I are working well together and husband might think that mum and I are doing likewise.
Rebirth card was the ninth one today and was in the Hopes and Fears position. An easy one! Rebirth at face value restoring what you once had. Healed ankle, able to move around again freely, sounds like a good “hope” factor. The fear factor is that it will take longer than expected because I’m older.
Change card was the tenth one today and was in the Outcome position. Sounds like things are moving. In other tarot decks this card is known as the “wheel of fortune”. This is the turning of start of an experience, through the growth, descent and finally death elements. The card is a reminder that the pain of the situation depends on how you view the changes that are occurring.
Reminder to embrace the change regardless of form – noted.
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Day 024 – It’s a new day!
24 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 24!
Just a quick note, by direct order from the doctor, I need to raise my leg above my heart. Lifting my leg above my heart makes the pain in my ankle much worse when I resume it to its original position. The temporary splint digs into my calves, and the ankle bones rub against the cast as well. Also, writing with my leg raised makes putting the daily blog together more difficult because of the pain – even with painkillers. The angle of the leg makes it awkward to type. It’s a new day, and I’ll find a way.
Today started better than last night, which is a good thing, but mornings are always better than evenings. I guess it’s all the times I need to get up to pee during the night. Today’s goal is to keep movement to a minimum and not leave the house. Taking every moment as it comes. If my leg is going to get better, it means being patient and doing the right thing – grumble.
By keeping myself to the study, all activity – or lack thereof – progressed nicely. I only needed to get up for a few things, basically, food and the call of nature. Then, getting up to go to the bathroom, I overbalanced on the crutches and fell. I was unable to avoid putting weight on the injured ankle.
My husband helped me get back up, but shaken was I. There’s a point where you don’t trust your footing anymore, although I know where I went wrong. Not only that, you begin to question whether the pain you’re feeling is part of the original injury or whether you added a complication to the injury.
Not wanting to stress out and become a see things that aren’t there. Plus, I’d already followed up, and it was nothing. Okay. I know that the former baseline situation has changed because there was another fall. So, I’ll be extra careful and move less, put up my foot. It’s just another three days, and I’ll be seeing the specialist anyway.
To reduce the number of times I could fall at home, we purchased a cheap office chair to wheel around the house instead of the crutches. My mum had done this when she had a broken leg and hip surgery because she lived independently. For me, it seemed like a much safer option, especially since my husband goes back to work tomorrow.
In the meantime, while at the door, the neighbour was outside with her daughter and granddaughter. The granddaughter was learning to skateboard. After a tiny chit-chat, I went back inside and put my leg up. To spend the rest of the new day with my legs elevated above heart level, watching TV shows that grabbed my interest.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Projections card was the first and is in the Now position. Means I was hopeful that I could get around doing all the things my mum could do.
Also, there is probably a bit of an unfair projection of all the stuff I would get done if I could move about. I know it’s unfair because its stuff I’ve been meaning to get to for ages and haven’t. So, yeah. Unfair.
In fairness, it should be pointed out that some of these relate to the short exposure that I have had to my work in collecting my computer equipment and making unfounded assumptions. Oh. It’s so difficult to have time to think in isolation sometimes. Fortunately, it’s in isolation and you can work through them before they do any damage.
Beyond Illusion card was the second one today and is in the Influence position. The process of moving from caterpillar to butterfly, chrysalis is assisting me in forming the projections that are unfair. This makes sense since, the change of the broken ankle has forced upon us is causing the unfair expectations of me and those around me.
Success card was the third one today and is in the Goal position. There’s a large focus that I want to master this situation. When i say this situation, I’m talking about the crutches, the confinement and the frustration of having the broken ankle.
Sharing card was the fourth one today and is in the Distant Past position. I’m used to having more than I need and when not confined like pre-ankle I enjoy my freedom of movement and give generously of my time and effort.
Morality card was the fifth one today and is in the Recent Past position. Wonder if this relates to me “doing the right thing” not going to the hospital post the fall – just to save inconveniencing a lot of people? I suspect it might be.
Awareness card was the second one today and is in the Future Energy position. Looking at my ankle injury from a metaphysical injury, it would mean that I’m rethinking my physical direction.
How did I arrive at that? Without going into depth the basics are: right side equals physical direction, ankle equals movement, activity and allows for forward movement. Therefore, there’s a part of my psyche that wasn’t being listened to that wanted me to take a good long look at where I wanted to go with respect to my occupation.
Friendliness card was the seventh one today and is in the Feelings or immediate future position. This was probably the friendly chat with our neighbour and her family. It was refreshing and lovely.
Conditioning card was the eighth one today and is in the Other People’s Views position. People saw me as breaking away from what you’re supposed to do with a broken ankle perhaps? Maybe being out chatting on crutches made me look competent with them and it was different to everyone else at the time.
Consciousness card was the ninth one today and is in the Hopes and Fears position. I am hoping that I was fully conscious of my choice not going to hospital again was a clear choice but fearing that perhaps I might not be. This is that internal struggle position. Did I struggle with the decision? Yes. Do I think it was the right one? Yes. Am I scared that my intuition was wrong? Yes. But that’s Hopes and Fears for you right there.
Moment to Moment card was the tenth one today and is in the Outcome position. In the end, I didn’t have any choice but to live moment to moment. However, the card Moment to Moment, isn’t about having to do it means there’s a mindfulness to the acceptance not just struggling from one second to the next.
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Day 023 – Oh the joy of pain!
23 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 023!
Let me tell you right now that my day started painfully. The pain steadily increased over the course of the day. There were times that the pain was less and eased when I lucked on a “comfortable position” which was mainly in the morning.
In full disclosure, I haven’t really been taking a lot of pain medication because I have elected to deal with the pain to help prevent me from doing something stupid.
The other thing you might need to know about me is that, even if I think I’m doing things by halves others certainly don’t think that’s me. In spite of my best intentions to be “sensible” I still seem to stumble.
This morning was spent in bed with my ankle above my heart level. At times, the ankle was at head level (knee bent but the lower leg was kept straight). The increase in pain is what I’ve put down to the swelling subsiding.
Around lunchtime, the pain eased and I thought that I could manage a trip to the regular weekend lunch location. My husband organised for a wheelchair in advance to be collected from the concierge at the shopping centre. This sounded like it would make life much easier and to some extent it did – I didn’t have to walk around everywhere on crutches. I would not have gone had this been the case.
As it turned out the wheelchair while better than walking everywhere on crutches contributed to my pain. Not wanting to rob my husband of lunch we managed to find a table in the food court where I could put the cast on a seat in line with my hip. My pain subsided again. Following lunch it was a quick trip to the supermarket, where I stayed outside and again we found a place where I could elevate my ankle in line with my hip.
Thankfully, it was then homeward but a quick stop to get a wedge pillow for me to use while in bed. Which turned out just as useful to elevate my ankle because it gave my leg a ramp to lie on. With a knee support I was set. Or so I thought. I took painkillers.
Even following painkillers my right hip is really really hurting because it’s so constrained and my ankle just burns. Worse still I am unable to tell the difference of whether it’s the cast or my bones. Am I just overreacting or is it real?
The pain level is sitting at an eight which is the highest it’s been since I broke the ankle. What to do? The paperwork advises to go to the doctor to get it checked out if the pain level changes. I did this the other day and everything was fine.
In this circumstance, I am seeking comparison between what others have done and what I need to do. I know comparison is stupid because each situation and person is slightly different. Yet, my husband is asleep and he has been so wonderful moving furniture around for me, just so I can sit straight on to the TV. Think I will try and get some sleep and see how everything sits in the morning. If the pain has eased, I’ll assess it again then. If I can’t sleep from the pain, I won’t be afraid to wake Mark One of us needs to be fighting fit and I need him.
So, roll on Day 024!
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
NOTE: For the moment I will not be doing the card analysis and simply letting them speak for themselves. My aim is to capture my days in the Context sufficiently for me to be able to perform the analysis when my ankle is less painful.
Guilt card was the first and is in the Now position.
Harmony card was the second one today and is in the Influence position.
Comparison card was the third one today and is in the Goal position.
Breakthrough card was the fourth one today and is in the Distant Past position.
Turning In card was the fifth one today and is in the Recent Past position.
New Vision card was the second one today and is in the Future Energy position.
The Burden card was the seventh one today and is in the Feelings or immediate future position.
No-thingness card was the eighth one today and is in the Other People’s Views position.
Moment to Moment card was the ninth one today and is in the Hopes and Fears position.
Transformation card was the tenth one today and is in the Outcome position.
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Day 022 – The end of the beginning!
22 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 022!
Wow, just going through my posts and discovered that I hadn’t written anything for this page. At least, the read was quick for those jumping in to see what had happened. Luckily, I was taking a couple of scribbly notes on the day.
This was four days into my broken ankle and things were pretty busy. On top of being busy trying to see doctors to consultations to get my ankle looked at I’ve been petrified of moving anything below the knee for fear of increasing the damage.
Bear in mind, I’m experiencing frustration at not having seen the xray photos to know where the break is. If the break is all the way through, I also don’t want to start any accelerated healing options – just in case they work and heal the bone in the wrong location and it needs to get rebroken.
There are a lot of things that I’m learning about myself. For instance, I can be playful and compassionate to the people providing assistance to me! My goal is to make their life as easy as possible. In return, I’m hoping that by not stressing them I’ll get better care.
The medical staff have not been exhibiting an signs of concern, not even in the slightest. This means to me that everything is “normal”. Well, as normal as it can be for a broken ankle – right?
I also realised that I’m in control of the healing process. I’m awake, feeling pain and when I’m in pain I’m able to manage it more than I thought possible. At every stage, when people have warned me of the come down from pain, I was expecting a massive increase in my inability to deal with the pain. It was not so. Not at the 30 minute mark after the incident when the adrenaline was meant to drop off nor the next day.
Hmm. Surprisingly tough. Happy with that!
What did the cards have to say. The analysis isn’t going to be very detailed because I’m just going off memory for the analysis, so I’ll probably just use the names of the cards to trigger what I can remember of the day, based on my notes above.
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Playfulness card was the first and is in the Now position. Ha. You see! I used playfulness in my notes. There’s a nice bit of banter with the medical staff and husband.
Rebirth card was the second one today and is in the Influence position. This type of playfulness is something that I feel is a part of me that I haven’t seen since my teenage years. It comes with confidence and assurance of who I am in and of myself. Like an inkling of purpose. Influencing Playfulness means it’s enhancing the play. If this is a blocker card or if we look at the not-so silver lining, it could be that there might have been a reason this went to ground.
Understanding card was the third one today and is in the Goal position. This card in this position simply says, I want to understand what I need to do to heal in order for that to happen I need to gain an Understanding of what my fractures look like.
Slowing Down card was the fourth one today and is in the Distant Past position. For me, I wanted to come back from vacation and go straight in to see my doctor. The having to sit and wait until I saw someone even if it is reasonable seemed too long.
The relief from yesterday’s visit to the clinic at least put my mind at ease and that’s it’s okay even if I still don’t know what the fractures look like. The Slowing Down is required to let the swelling go down. It also gives me a little bit of time to settle.
Ice-olation card was the fifth one today and is in the Recent Past position. Yep. In my haste to do things, I feel alone. Although everyone has been quite amazing with their support. Still feel, that my lack of asking the right question on the day has prevented me from knowing what my ankle looks like. Yep. My own doing.
Completion card was the sixth one today and is in the Future Energy position. The card of Completion seems to indicate that for the moment at least, there is nothing else I can do to accelerate my healing. It’s that moment when you’ve put the cake batter into the over and there’s nothing left to do than wait for it to finish cooking. In a sense, it’s the end of the beginning.
Sharing card was the seventh one today and is in the Feelings or immediate future position. This is the compassion for the healers I was talking about in the Context. Sharing my information and not arguing with them to get information or abusing them when I was inwardly impatient at times – not often – but at times.
Integration card was the eighth one today and is in the Other People’s Views position. I’m pleased to see this card in this position. To me it means that what I’ve been setting out to portray as being cooperative with those around me, including my husband, is working.
The Fool card was the ninth one today and is in the Hopes and Fears position. The Fool card is not about being an idiot – although sometimes that can be a consequence of the decisions made *smile*. This card reflects my tentative research on sound/ frequency healing and hoping that it will work. At the same time fearing that it will do nothing. But hey, what have I go to lose?
The Rebel card was the tenth one today and is in the Outcome position. It’s about breaking free of boundaries because I trust in my process because in this regard I know myself – mostly.
Link to References
Osho, Osho Zen Tarot – The Transcendental Game of Zen, St Martin’s Press, ISBN 0-312-11733-7
Day 021 – Let the Healing Begin!
21 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 21!
Yesterday afternoon-evening the pain level in my temporary cast felt worse. It kept me from sleeping through the night. Toward the morning when it hadn’t subsided, I grew concerned that the cast was either digging into my leg or worse, the bone had moved into a more problematic position.
Last night I had husband clean a blood blister that was infected. Lanced and cleaned with Isopropyl, the wound looked much better in the morning.
Because the pain in the ankle had increased and the painkillers weren’t doing the job, I contacted the Fractures Clinic.
By the way, this was the recommendation from the hospital if the pain increased. A bit like Newton’s laws of motion, but for the injury it’s like: 1. A foot and/ or ankle at rest will stay or at a pain level, at rest unless acted upon by another force. In this case, that “other” force could be anything: an infection, the cast digging in, the bone moving, to me twitching the wrong way in my sleep or going to the loo (Australian slang for lavatory).
The Fractures Clinic picked up and turned out not to be the Fractures Clinic because it was 6:30am and it doesn’t open until 8:00am. I’d reached emergency or outpatients, who also supported that I come in because the pain level had not eased, even if I had a referral to the clinic.
My husband and I headed to the RBH (Royal Brisbane Hospital) Outpatients. It was early (just before 8:00am – I think). It took a while for me to wash and discuss what we were going to do.
At the hospital it was a short wait before Richard wheeled me in to see Dr V, who sent me for X-rays to ensure nothing had moved. Dr V wheeled me around to xray and while it didn’t look like a long wait, I noticed the toilet and decided it would be a good time to make use of them.
After discussing my “shoulda or shouldn’t I’s” with admin it was decided that I should go rather than being uncomfortable. I crutchered up and hobbled across to the only toilets in direct line of sight – the able-bodied toilet.
As a side note, being on crutches limits the amount of landscape perusal you seem to do naturally – most times. Women will do this walking past clothes, shoes or just shops, performing a quick assessment of what’s on display to see if the store has anything of interest. I don’t always do this. When I am on a “mission”, I have one goal in mind and that’s “get in and get out as quickly as possible”. In this mode, I have walked past friends and family members without recognising them when they’ve been literally two metres away from me. Yep, it gets that focussed.
Getting back to the toilet, I was in “mission” mode and concentrating hard on the new skill I needed to learn (walking with crutches). The door to the toilet was hard to push open, but with a bit of elbow force I got it working. What I wasn’t expecting was that it would push back!
Anyway, I hadn’t gotten my crutches or me inside the cubicle fast enough when the door knocked out the crutch from my right hand and I once again fell to the ground. Luckily, I managed to dodge the sink on the left and only hit my top lip on the toilet bowl. The crutches being in the way slowed my descent and made the fall less damaging.
My right knee took the brunt of the fall with a sore lip even through the mask, on the whole not much more than some would experience on a drunken night out missing the porcelain bus (toilet bowl). While there was some bruising everything seemed to be okay. The right hip was a little sore, but nothing to write home about.
The hospital staff were incredibly helpful in getting me out and up off the floor safely wheeled into the less-able-bodied toilet directly opposite the able-bodied one. Once wheeled back to my xray bed, a doctor came by immediately to check that I was okay.
In xray, Sam ever the professional took quick “doctor happy snaps” from right knee to right toe and I was on my way back to see Dr V.
Dr V had in the meantime consulted with the photos sent from Tweed Hospital, my husband and maybe the Fractures Clinic. All X-rays showed that everything was as it should be beautifully aligned. Following a quick check to confirm that the lower wound was dressed, we both decided that removing the temporary plaster could possibly put things out of alignment and make things worse.
Now that I knew everything was in its proper position and aligned beautifully – the concern I had around the pain was abated. To me it meant that healing could begin in ernst. The pain was a result of the break and the healing my body was undertaking. Much like a scab gets itchy right before it is about to drop off and show healed skin.
After Dr V re-bandaged the area. We were off home.
I tried to take it easy for the rest of the day because healing takes its toll. However, there was the nagging card of Laziness that drew my attention much like a red smudge on a sea of black and white.
This prompted me to not get lazy about letting Tweed Council, the lovely Rachel know about the fall and that I recommended that some anti-slip measures be put in place on the steps of the Jack Evans Boat Harbour. Having worked in local government (not Tweed) I’m aware that complaints need to be actioned upon, at least to assess the risk to the council’s constituents.
It also ensured that I updated work of the situation – didn’t want them missing me too much!
The Cards - Almost an Analysis
Laziness was the first card and is in the Now position. If you’re new to reading these posts you may not be aware that the Laziness card gets me into a tither. It’s the card that tells me that maintenance is needed somewhere in my life because I have been resting on my laurels. Being in the Now position means I’m neglecting something that I feel is important.
The Laziness card’s effects me in such a way that I tend to forget my mindfulness and begin to focus on anything and everything else. Contrary to the card’s name, I get my act together and start getting to things that I’ve neglected for ages – which is precisely the point of the card.
Being incapacitated and the cards/ I know this. I’m not that cruel to myself to think it would be something physical I’m neglecting; like say putting weed killer on the lawn. This, however, makes the card twice as daunting and like a boa constrictor restricts my focus options, meaning less chance of avoiding the thing I’m using lazing to avoid.
Change was the second card and is in the Influence position. The Change card sat in the Feelings position on Day 019. My feelings on the changes my life has taken could have my acceptance of the situation fall into the passive state of Laziness. Instead of the conscious choice of simply being.
Existence was the third card and is in the Goal position. Following on from what I just wrote, the goal I set for myself is to simply exist. Being one in the multi-dimensional universe and reconnecting to the awareness of one’s place within it.
Innocence was the fourth card and is in the Distant Past position. Innocence was in the Feelings position yesterday – Day 020 – and spoke of seeing things in a new way. Having seen the way the health systems in the two Australian states operate, I have been pleasantly surprised.
So, how does this contribute to the Now? Perhaps, it is as I said under the Laziness section, the Innocence of new sight led me to a position of Laziness. Basically, I stopped simply appreciating and wanted to take greater control of my situation.
Control was the fifth card and is in the Recent Past position. Enter the Control card in the Recent Past position. Sometimes, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried! Control is about well, control. If you look closely at the image, you’ll see that the figure is very rigid very stern and lacks for a sense of fun.
Perhaps there was a part of me seeking to control things by unconsciously upping the pain in my leg (which realistically was probably the healing and de-swelling starting).
Receptivity was the sixth card and is in the Future Energy position. Receptivity was in the same position yesterday – Day 020.
So, what does it mean to show up in the same position two days running? A cynical person my say, the result is a likely option at some point. Not being a statistician, I could only guess the likelihood of its occurrence.
In tarot world, it means that the same energy that was there yesterday may have cycled back or will simply continue. How can this be, when the other cards have changed?
We’re all aware that multiple things happen at the same time, particularly where emotions are concerned. Emotions to me are like the weather, always there in some form, whether we can see it or not. Potentially then, receptiveness may not have left and instead continued beneath the surface simultaneously.
It applies to the day in that once Control had passed and I received the information to assuage my concerns, I became much more receptive to life in all its forms.
Thunderbolt was the seventh card and is in the Feelings position. Thunderbolt has typically meant a change in physical circumstances to me. Thunderbolt is like moving house, changing jobs or a sudden shift in relationships. It’s about testing how we to these circumstances. We can react or we can take responsibility for how we respond to the situation (if you take the description from Steven R Covey’s, 7 Habits of Highly Effective people, where he describes responsibility as broken down to our “ability to respond”).
If I stick with the physical and treat this as an immediate recognisable event position then, it could also apply to my “toilet fall incident”. The very sudden change in my physical status – standing one minute on the floor the next – would also fit the Thunderbolt interpretation!
The Master was the eighth card and is in the Other People’s Views position. The Master card is a nice card in the Other People’s Views position. I am hoping that it means that I appeared to take responsibility when I fell.
Extending beyond that incident to Dr V and general interactions with hospital staff. Meaning that what I am trying to be is exactly as I wished to be seen. That is, projecting someone who is responsive, shows situational awareness of emotions, circumstances and has the presence of mind to communicate clearly on all levels.
Traveling was the ninth card out and is in the Hopes and Fears position. Traveling has been treated as another physical activity card by me in this deck. Oh, how I wish for travel. However, given my history of incidents while traveling; do I get separation anxiety when it’s time to leave the vacation? Or, in future do I get lazy about where I travel to avoid another incident?
Healing was the tenth card out and is in the Outcome position. The beautiful thing about having the Healing card as the Outcome for this particular reading, is that it aligns as nicely with what needs to happen with my body as it does with my mind.
Given the new information from today’s trip to the hospital, I can quite happily begin to heal.
Day 020 – Patience
20 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 20!
After doing everything I could for myself yesterday, I simply needed time to catch up to the appointments put in place.
In the morning we had furniture returned that had away for reupholstering since October 2020 – that’s COVID/ coronavirus for you! It looks fabulous! Worth the wait.
My husband had to go to work today, and I had the scary prospect of having to deal with restricted capability on my own.
It’s amazing how even the simplest of tasks take on complexity. That’s not even having to deal with the restrictions of the cast. If I thought being confined to the house for COVID-19 was bad, being confined to a chair is a much worse and way more frustrating. While always having an amazing amount of respect for people who have disabilities this puts a whole new level of appreciation on top of that.
Neither near death experience, decompression sickness (mild), or concussion never prepared me for the physical incapacity of something more than a day or two. Oh, I was so blasé about so many things. So many more things that I will need to become more mindful about to enhance my appreciation of life itself.
Simple things like having a shower, which not so long ago seemed like something you just did, is now a Ben Hur movie production. Since, breaking my ankle on the way back from the beach, I haven’t been able to have a decent shower. As I write, I still have salty hair – eww! Note, I have had sponge baths, it’s not the same and enjoying the water on your head washing away the day’s ills.
The Queensland Health system mentioned that I could follow them up in the afternoon. I’ll wait.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock!
Erh… what’s on Netflix?
Hmmmm.. that looks good. Let’s watch that.
Watching, watching, engrossed.
BRING! BRRING! It’s the phone! IT’S THE PHONE! (Okay, I know phones don’t make that sound anymore).
It was the hospital to which my doctor referred me to for the Fractures Clinic telling me the referral was in the system and that the Royal Brisbane Hospital had picked it up. From there it was just a matter of waiting for the clinic staff to contact me to make an appointment. Expected timeframe was anytime in the next two weeks!
Two weeks had me worried that my broken bone would heal in the wrong position. Called a friend of mine who knew people, who had broken ankles, to ask for advice. Here, I will refer to her as Audrey (not her real name). Audrey mentioned that she would contact her mother – a long time nurse, recently retired – to find out what the process was when she was there.
Feedback from Audrey’s mother was that this was pretty standard, usually this period of time allows the swelling to go down. This was confirmed by another friend Zezee (not her real name either) who’s mother had a broken ankle. It’s more common than I thought.
None of this helped quell the anxiety I was feeling about things being out of alignment. From my photo it looked like something was skewed. In any case, the swelling needed to go down.
So, by the afternoon I had resigned myself to the wait. The whole thing was exhausting and I drifted in and out of micro naps and my focus wasn’t there although I did a lot of breathing and mindfulness activities.
Now that I’ve reached that topic, I’m used to sitting cross-legged for meditation and watching TV on couch of an evening. Na-uh! This is where I fold my hands and pout. Quite ineffective when nobody’s around except the cats!
Anyway, as the day wore on my leg started becoming more painful.
The Cards
New Vision was the first card and was in the Now position. Normally this card represents going and doing things your own way. New Vision for today, is a new way to view the world, especially the Queensland medical field and its processes.
With respect to doing things my own way, I’m not sure many people follow-up once the referral is put into the system, since there’s probably no need. I’m new to the system and part of what I do for a job involves lots of follow-up.
Mind was the second card and was in the Influence position. The thing stopping me from progressing was Mind. Mind card is about overthinking things, getting caught up in thoughts and misdirections and not taking the time to quieten the mind to allow clarity to come in (refer below to Hindsight Note, how this happened).
Conditioning was the third card and was in the Goal position. Again, breaking the bonds of conditioning was a goal. It might be that I thought the system was broken and that I needed to go rogue on it! That was conditioning.
Audrey had used the system in Queensland previously and advised me to follow the system but to trust it because it usually worked pretty well. So, no need to go rogue on the system. I needed to break my conditioning around thinking the system was broken which is a common perception.
It did make me realise that I needed to step back and let this experience speak for itself, rather than letting other people’s experiences define how this was going to work for me.
Patience was the fourth card and was in the Distant Past position. Speaking of other people’s or my experiences Patience, once all is confirmed has paid off in better service. Of course, there’s the squeaky wheel that gets served first but not necessarily better or with the same degree of care. So, past experience held me back from contacting the hospital Fractures Clinic in the morning.
The Fool was the fifth card and was in the Recent Past position. The Fool in a tarot deck does not always mean you wind up as The Fool. Sometimes it means taking a brave leap which you believe is what you must do. In the broken ankle scenario, I’m going to treat this again as breaking out of the mold.
Perhaps, it was trying to exercise (walking up and down the hall one time) the toes by wriggling them like the instruction sheet handed to me by the hospital recommended. This did seem to aggravate the injury more.
Receptivity was the sixth card and was in the Future Energy position. Yesterday, the Receptivity card was in position eight on how others might view me. Today, it’s in the Future Energy spot signalling that perhaps I’ll be entering the energy of receiving and accepting life in whatever form it takes. To some extent I believe this is what happened when I resigned to the day and the process.
Innocence was the seventh card and was in the Feelings position. Looking back on the day. There was an appreciation for how it unfolded and I felt that I did do things my own way like in the New Vision card. However, I stripped back what I thought I knew about the health system and viewed it with new eyes. As Marcel Proust once wrote: “[t]he real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes”.
Awareness was the eighth card and was in the Other People’s Views position. The card of Awareness is about discovering an innerness that is inherent in yourself. Other people’s views, could be that they see me as not consciously portraying positivity but that I might be (?) It’s open to debate.
Flowering was the ninth card and was in the Hopes and Fears position. Flowering is a beautiful card of a woman completely herself, not afraid of her femininity or expressing it but she is not weak. It is what I hope to be, not being a mother I can only hope to live up to some of the amazing feats mother’s have been through and go through on a daily basis. My fear is that I will never live up to that expectation.
Trust was the tenth card and was in the Outcome position. And finally we reach the position of Trust in the Outcome spot. Trust is the complete letting go of all control and letting the chips fall as they may.
It took awhile for me to get there but at the end of the day I think I finally got there.
Hindsight Note from 21 Jan 2021
At the point I was being treated or subsequently, it would be useful to note that I had not seen my x-rays (“it’s all in the system [computers] and the system wasn’t relaying images beyond the radiology department. Dr S always had to go to radiology to view the image and therefore out of my reach and view. So, I had no idea what we were working with. Also, the use of “temporary cast” made it seem like it was just patched up, rather than fixed and held in place.
When it came to putting the cast on, I was asked to lay on my stomach and if possible. Dr M would then bend my leg up perform appropriate ministrations to the injured area and apply the cast. Again, I did not view or understand what was being done or the severity of my break.
I was naively thought that the break in my leg had left my bones out of alignment. The photo I had taken looked like stuff was definitely misaligned (turns out this was just swelling).
Nonetheless, it was this assumption that was triggering my need to get things happening quicker, you know before my bones started healing in the wrong position and it had to get rebroken to be put in the right position.
Day 019 – Winds of Change
19 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 19!
There were a lot of warnings about a sleepless night and pain. It’s possibly the painkillers the hospital administered that prevented that from happening. For the most part I slept well.
Getting used to using crutches was an altogether interesting experience – not that I can wield them yet with any great assurance. However, after embedding the basic techniques from Dr S, falling backward was prevented.
It’s amazing just how many activities you take for granted when able-bodied. Little things like going to the ladies is a production in itself.
After checking out and crossing the border it was a one and a half hour trip back home. While husband was driving, I was able to book in a doctor’s appointment to refer me to the Fractures Clinic. Thinking I would be able to get in straight away I refrained from eating anything until after the appointment. In the meantime, the journey was not kind to the pain.
To my surprise the estimated wait time to get into the Fractures Clinic would be approximately a week to two weeks. In part this is because the swelling needs to go down and in part because there’s a backlog of patients in the public system.
Trying to get a private orthopedic surgeon seemed just about impossible and I concluded that I would need to wait for the swelling to go down regardless whether it was public or private. So, I stuck with the public health system in Queensland.
Whenever I’ve had dealings with the Queensland public health system, which has mainly revolved around a visit with my mother and a couple of Coronavirus tests, the service has been nothing but professional and competent.
Had I been staying locally around Tweed Heads I suspect I could have been fixed before the swelling set in (I think). Anyway, what’s done is done. Now I need to trust in my choices to bring about a healing experience of body and mind.
The Cards
Traveling was the first card in the Now position. Yesterday Traveling was in the Goal position and today it is in the Now position. Making for a nice easy way for us to track the transition from Goal to Now. In this case, I’m simply using the card to indicate the card’s literal meaning.
Possibilities was the second card in the Influence position. Influencing the Traveling was the Possibilities card. There were many possibilities open to me but the better long term options available to me were if we went back home. At home, if needed I would be able to seek assistance from my neighbour, my husband and the treatment options might be greater.
We are the World was the third card in the Goal position. This card, to me and it diverges from Osho’s view of this card, is when people are working in together for a higher purpose. In the situation where I have broken my ankle the Goal I have is that I give each of the people involved the respect not only for their person but also for their skills.
In this way, if everyone works together the team of experts create wonderful possibilities and my humble broken ankle aside, they save lives. Although, even the success of fixing a broken ankle in time is a cause for celebration.
Stress was the fourth card in the Distant Past position. The situation at the crux of it all was the slip at the boat harbour. A stress caused by a lack of mindfulness; splitting my attention between washing my feet, taking a step, already thinking about finalising the packing at the hotel for the trip back, how awesome the swim was and how sad I’ll be to finish the weekend.
So, can is see where the Stress card fits in? Yes.
Awareness was the fifth card and appeared in the Recent Past position. Following the moment of Stress it began to dawn on me that in there will be a period of not exercising, swimming or even moving freely. Four to six weeks of frustration loomed ahead of me. The other thing that dawned on me as I replayed the incident in my mind was that I was incredibly lucky with just a broken ankle.
The steps were/ are dangerous and being so close to the water was in in my humble opinion a beautiful and poor planning decision. Especially, if there wasn’t an allowance for including some non-slip grip on the steps close to the water.
The Lovers was the sixth card and appeared in the Future Energy position. I struggle when this card appears because it plays tricks on me. Not until today have I had another realisation about what The Lovers card might mean – retrospectively applied to when I met my husband. That’s a tale for another post.
The card is about unity and compassion. Osho’s words, “This love is based on freedom, not expectation or need” (References, Day 019.1).
Applying The Lovers to the circumstance in which I find myself in may very well relate to all the people that do their jobs well. It could also relate to my husband whose help at the moment I would literally struggle without. It’s early days and he has been incredibly attentive to ensuring that I do not further injure myself .
Change was the seventh card and appeared in the upcoming Feelings or feelings about the situation position. Without a doubt things will change for me. This is a learning curve I can say with assurance that the most people don’t plan for themselves.
The card represents the changing nature of Change itself. At the moment it is a down with the ankle and inconvenience and there is also an up in that I gain a new perspective of restrictions and constraints.
While it’s not something you would wish to test your mettle with I’m using it as an opportunity to do so. Stay-tuned as the grumbles could very well follow.
Receptivity was the eighth card and appeared in the Other People’s Views position. The Receptivity card is about appreciation and gratitude for life itself accepting whatever life brings. Being in the how Others see me position, might be the case.
There has been a conscious choice in myself on how I would handle this situation. I did not want to take my shock of the situation out on others around me and especially not on those that were there to help me. This sounds simple. For me, at least it took years of meditation to get to be able to have enough mental control not to swear at the universe in a “why me?” or “what about me?” attitude. There’s still a little way to go.
The Creator was the ninth card and appeared in the Hopes & Fears position. Following on from the Receptivity card, my hope is that I have successfully conquered the need to lash out when in pain. The fear then is that I have not succeeded and fearing that I have further to go on the journey that I thought.
Participation was the tenth card and appeared in the Outcome position. Finally, we get to Participation and the Outcome. In previous posts where Participation has appeared it has been about participating in life to its fullest. Here would be no different, but I suspect that the participation will be more with regard to participating in healing myself.
Help the people that are there to help you to actually help you, in this way you’re also healing yourself. It simply means understand why you’re being asked to do something, that’s not just on the intellectual level but also on the emotional, physical and metaphysical level.
Day 018 – The World is full of Wonderful People!
18 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 018!
The day was a little overcast but the weather outlook didn’t seem promising. Our plan was to go for a walk up to Point Danger, pack and then home for the day.
To save stressing, we booked another night’s accommodation so if we went for a swim we could come back to the hotel room for a shower. Basically, it’s an extended late check-out.
It would also give us the time to casually pack and get things together. We both had arranged to have Tuesday off to have a relaxed welcome home.
The water in the James Evans Boat Harbour looked amazing and inviting. After the walk I suggested to my husband that we go for a swim after lunch before the 100% chance of storm hitting the region at 4:00pm.
Into the water we went and the water temperature was perfect for swimming. Today we swam the length of the harbour there and back. Very proud of myself even if my muscles protested too much on the return lap. Each way is about 350 metres, so it’s a good swim.
From there decided to head back to the hotel room, shower and head home. All we wanted to do was rinse the sand off our feet and away we would go. Handily there were some steps by the water so you could rinse your feet in the harbour without your feet getting sandy again on the way out.
My husband went down to rinse his feet, ignoring my instinct to not worry about getting clean feet, I decided to do likewise. My husband mentioned the steps were slippery and while I was a little cautious I wasn’t aware of just how slippery and in a split second fell in a crashing heap onto the leg I had placed on the second last step.
Snow ski falls probably helped control the fall a little because I landed sitting and saved by both my hands. After some cursing and deep breaths, I gathered my thoughts and looked at my right ankle. It looked swollen and not like the other one.
The toes could wriggle and I was able to every so gently move my foot. The knees and thigh seemed good and apart from a couple of grazes on the foot and hands. All seemed well. All I thought about was elevating the foot, so I pivoted on my backside and moved the damaged leg to the step above where I was sitting.
Having a towel handy, I further supported it by putting the towel under the ankle as well. My husband sat supportively at my side and we wondered whether to call an ambulance. In the meantime, I decided to send my husband off to get some painkillers – not too far away.
At that moment, a lovely woman with her son arrived. There names were Alicia and Lewis. After explaining to her what she’d seen and when she saw the ankle, Alicia and I decided that an ambulance was wise. This meant calling back my husband who was making good speed to get painkillers. Alicia’s son, who at a guess was about eight or nine years old went racing after him and caught him up at the lights.
Mark and Sam were the amazing ambulance drivers. Professional and courteous to the end and handed me into competent hands in Emergency. There really were some beautiful people at the hospital.
My husband was amazing and wanted to be by me side unfortunately he wasn’t allowed in the hospital because we was from the Greater Brisbane which was classified as a COVID UK strain hotspot. For three hours he waited outside in the under shelter watching the rain patiently waiting to find out what was happening.
The whole incident helped highlight to me aspects of me I wasn’t sure about; basically, how I would handle pain. I hoped never to find out. For some time, I imagined I would turn into a screaming diva and the world’s biggest baby but when tested by this incident I was amazed by how I didn’t. Let’s face it for normal aches and pains, I am a baby.
The Cards
When you first look at the cards today, there’s nothing in the cards that says, “broken ankle” on the horizon. This is where you would typically need a reader with some intuition to pick that up. That aside interpreting the cards as they are and overlaying what I know… let’s go!
The Lovers was the first card out in the Now position. The Lovers has shown up in my life when I have been about to embark on a change of life. Different to that of say Thunderbolt, The Fool or Change where things are a bit more “upheave-ily”. No, The Lovers card made its appearance when I first started trialling the “365 days of Tarot” and keeping a record. The card was a constant appearance leading up to my husband entering my life.
Naturally enough it appeared to have romantic consequences. When I wasn’t reading it as a change to my romantic life, I was reading this as an amicable unity that facilitated love beyond sex and would one day foster compassion. Beyond that I have dismissed it and not made the association of a major change.
When you think about the possibility for learning from a broken ankle though, I am developing a deeper appreciation for people who have experienced disability. Whether that disability is temporary or permanent in nature. When viewed that way, The Lovers card could be pushed into saying that. However, it sits in the Now position at the beginning of the day and not the Outcome position at the end.
The Lovers are influenced or blocked by We are the World. Which is about bringing humanity together for the same purpose. Perhaps it could simply be that getting out and about is influenced by the very act of being out in the world. The people that work, live and visit Cooloongatta and Tweed Heads have been nothing short of amazing during our stay. The “vibe” has been awesome.
Traveling being in the Goal position early in the morning is of no surprise since the goal for the end of the day was to travel home.
Trust being in the Distant Past position implied in the morning that typically we would trust that we would be traveling home as per usual. On retrospect, it could have been read that in the past the trust earned by the medical profession and people when in a dire circumstance has always been sound.
Understanding is in the Recent Past position and is about, had the broken ankle not occurred I would have read as we needed to get out and enjoy short breaks. By the end of the weekend we were completely relaxed and feeling free.
Ordinariness is the card in the Future Energy position. It certainly the predicted that there would be a time of sticking to and focussing on the everyday activities in your life. It’s the not taking things for granted card. While there are a lot of things that I take for granted, walking was right up there, until of course, I couldn’t do it easily anymore.
MORE TO FOLLOW …..
Day 017 – Stress on Weekend Vacation?
17 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to day 17!
It’s day two of the weekend vacation. After the ocean swim yesterday muscles I hadn’t used in a while were letting me know that I had neglected them.
The day was perfect and we went for breakfast at Bellakai in Cooloongatta. We had the special – chocolate chip pancakes with banana – which we wholeheartedly recommend.
Once again, the harbour looked amazingly inviting, so back to the room we went once again, changed and marched off for another ocean swim. This time we decided we would swim all the way across it.
After laying out the cards this morning I was a bit concerned about the influence of stress and the feelings of postponement. Nonetheless, I think the stress of it possibly was playing on my mind.
There was also that after an extended seasonal break I will need to go back to work on Wednesday.
Apart from the awareness that my full time job was getting closer to reality and for some reason the disconcerting discussion with Betty was on my mind again, too.
To-date I haven’t sent any communication from me, like I said I would – not sure if I’m being gutless or waiting for the right moment. There’s a little bit of something ruminating in my brain about the situation, but the clarity to what it is has escaped me.
But that’s enough about the day, what did the cards have to say?
The Cards
Position one is Maturity. In the Now spot it speaks to a coming to oneself. With the experience is the reward of centred-ness and peace. It is the last card in the suite and is about not finalizing a situation but more reaching a peak. Just because you reach the top of a mountain ledge doesn’t mean the journey is over. It is the point reached at a particular point on a path. In the mountain analogy the next ledge will be it’s own journey and have different lessons to experience.
The Maturity is the weekend vacation. Today it had reached its peak and tomorrow will be time for the weekend to change direction.
Position two is Stress. Since yesterday, I’ve had the itching of a cold sore beginning. Cold sores usually manifest in me when I’m feeling a little stressed.
It’s shown upon in position two as an Influencer because the cold sore and its cause subtly impact the mature point of the weekend.
I’m surprised that the cold sore hadn’t manifested earlier following the call from Betty. However, up until yesterday afternoon I hadn’t really put much further thought into the situation.
The situation needed to cool down. Now that it was starting to cool, it was a question of what to do next.
When the cold sore appeared – metaphysically representing holding back words that you’re boiling to say – it was no real surprise.
Oh yeah, if you’re not used to me, I tend to believe that, “the body cries the tears that you don’t” and the area that is stressed will manifest a reflection of the pain you’re feeling in some form. It’s definitely along the lines of Louise Hays or Annette Noontil’s works on the same concept (both of which I’ve read).
Another subtle stress is that I need to go back to work soon. The luxury of taking my time to write these posts will be over and I will need to establish a new routine that allows for the additional time.
Position three is Adventure. Adventure is that sense of wonder and appreciating everything as if it were new. To have this appear in the Goal position makes sense that the Goal would be to replicate where possible the experience of yesterday. I’m talking about the energy of yesterday not necessarily the same activities.
Position four is Friendliness. In the Distant Past is Friendliness and Friendliness is about companionship and being each comfortable within yourself but companionably so. This has formed the foundations for the card of Maturity, and Adventure.
Position five is Politics and is the Recent Past. This card typically portrays a discord between external actions and feelings felt. It is sometimes necessary to play politics and have the duality to maintain the peace.
The only time in the day where it was necessary to be this kind of political was when we went for a gelato at Gelatissimo, Cooloongatta.
It was when a lady who had obviously arrived after we had, made out to be looking at the flavours on offer and then stepped up as if she were the next rightful person in line.
If there’s one thing most Australians don’t like are queue jumpers or people who cut in line ahead of others who had been waiting.
On a side note, for me personally, it was something I found bizarre when visiting Japan. If I was the first in line at a bus stop or in front of a lift/ elevator I expected to be first on the bus – otherwise what was the point of getting there early?
Anyway, I frequently ended up last getting on or in whatever mode of transport on offer. This, to me, didn’t sit with the reputation of politeness for which Japan was/ is renowned It was the only discord.
On the other hand Australians are good at being amicable and not causing a fuss – most of the time. Having to say something to a queue jumper is not something we like doing but it will happen.
Anyway, when she cut in line, I bristled and she ignored it – OMG! Anyway, I turned to view the reactions of those behind me to gauge whether I should trigger a raucous. Fortunately, there was a resigned shrug by those that saw the action and for today, peace was had and politics played. Let it be known that no-one was happy with what transpired.
Position six is Courage. The Courage card is in the Future Energy position and given that this was this morning and I’m not looking back on the day, this could relate to the swim across the harbour. Why was this courageous? Mainly because not a lot of people brave the slightly deeper water.
From a personal perspective, I felt brave doing it, it was a reasonable distance. Not having swum for some time wasn’t quite sure if I would be able to make it. Upon successful completion of one way, a return swim boosted my confidence.
Position seven is Feelings and Postponement. As I’ve said, this card played with my mind a little today. Never really sure what it’s referring to. The question was always, “to type or not to type?” or “if I do this am I ignoring that?”
To put it bluntly, there was always something being postponed as something else was being completed. Postponing only seemed to cause more stress than needed. Obviously, this is an area upon which I can improve.
That said there were certainly times when I “fluffed” about and stuff I needed to get done didn’t at the time activities.
The consequence of delaying things is that at some point you will miss at best fun at worst something crucial. As the Osho book so succinctly points out, “postponement is stupid”. Having said that there is an important lesson from looking at a card and not realising the position in the layout it is in.
For instance, today Postponement was in the Feelings position. Feelings aren’t facts but they help point you in the direction in which you need to take action.
Position eight is Morality. Morality in Other People’s Views or how other people see me. This may once again relate to the gelato line incident. Not making a fuss was the right thing to do, it kept the peace. The look from those behind us absolved me of the responsibility to act – again I was doing the right thing, although it caused me anxiety. Had those behind me shown more discontent my obligation would have been to say something, the social conditioning dilemma. The Morality card on display at its finest pincer move.
Position nine is Harmony. Harmony reflected in the Hopes & Fears position seems obvious with respect to the hope part. Realistically the lack of harmony seems obvious to me as well.
The reason we, and I include the people in line at the Gelatissmo shop didn’t want to make a fuss was harmony. The fear of disharmony on such a beautiful night would have ruined many people’s experience should the encounter have gotten a little tense or an exchange of rude words occurred. People don’t like being picked up when they’ve done something they know is wrong. It tends to create an angry response at the person pointing it out, when they’re just mad at themselves for doing the “wrong” thing and being caught.
Position ten is Innocence. The Outcome of today’s reason was Innocence. Innocence is depicted by an elderly gentleman simply enjoying the playful interaction with a praying mantis. At his age, Innocence almost seems to be the wrong word how can he be innocent?
Innocent is that sense of wonder expressed by the Adventure card in the Goal position. Obviously, when you have a goal and an outcome that align and there’s only one card reflecting the same thing, there needs to be a card that expresses something similar.
The next question to ask is, “why is it that the Innocence card is in the Outcome position and the Adventure is in the Goal position and not the other way around?”
Innocence represents a letting go or an end point where one has been on an adventure and come by innocence by letting go of negativity. Where adventure is the start of the journey yet to begin. There is nothing to let go of as yet because the experience is still to happen.
For today, at least, this fittingly applies to the day and its outcome.
Post Publish Notes
A year ago when the concept of daily posts was being tested the cards tended to drift with their predictions. This means that although the activities applied to that day, they foretold of upcoming events about three days in advance. It makes it inconvenient when trying to do the cards. However, on the 17th day there was the Stress card as Influencer and the Courage card as Future Energy.
Nowhere is it more opportunistic to highlight the error of reading your own cards than here. Another reader would possibly have interpreted the cards with a broader scope and tuned into forthcoming circumstances. The difficulty of having a strong psychic ability and sensing something bad is going to happen, then recommending a path away from it makes it look like you’re not a psychic.
Reading your own cards, for me at least, is always based on life not encountering anything out of the ordinary. Basically, I plod along thinking that, “it won’t happen to me” :).
Oracle: I’d ask you to sit down, but you’re not going to anyway. And don’t worry about the vase.
Neo: What vase? [Neo knocks over a vase with his elbow. It falls down and breaks.]
Oracle: That vase.
Neo: I’m sorry.
Oracle: I said don’t worry about it. I’ll get one of my kids to fix it.
Neo: How did you know?
Oracle: Ohhh, what’s really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have broken it if I hadn’t said anything?…
– Neo and Oracle
For quote source see References
Day 016 – Weekend Break!
16 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 16!
Morning comment: Finally away and finally checked in! The accommodation, Mantra Twin Towns, is nice. Despite all my clever planning to stay in Queensland and ensure we booked accommodation in Coolongatta (Queensland side of the border) so we wouldn’t need to get a border pass.
Turns out the Mantra looks like it was two separate hotels at one time, one in Queensland and one in New South Wales. Someone, presumably Mantra bought out one or the other and the two became one. As luck would have it we’re staying in the New South Wales side the Harbour Tower. Not that we would get away without a border pass if we were staying in the Ocean Tower. Foiled!
Last night I got a call from another friend who I had been thinking about catching up with for about a week. We had a lovely and amazing chat about anything and everything. Four hours later, the phone call finished and life was very pleasant indeed.
Our plan for the day was to spend the day relaxing. This included a walk along the mouth of the river, a trip to the local shopping centre for some lunch.
My mum texted me to give me the weather forecast for the area (she knew we were here) and she knows I don’t typically catch the news, especially the weather. I mainly stick my head out the window to see what it looks like. Nonetheless, it was useful information and lent itself toward some decisions made throughout the day.
End of day comment:
We managed to do the relaxing, the walk and trip to the shops. The water in the James Evans Boat Harbour looked amazing.
So, if the weather was going to turn bad, we thought we would capitalise on the beautiful conditions. We then made quick time back to the hotel, got changed into swimwear and made our way back to the boat harbour.
The water was a touch chilly at first – when isn’t it? It felt like forever since we’d had our last swim in the ocean. After a quick duck dive under the water, the water was amazing. A quick swim some playful water splashing, followed by another walk along the channel with a sit on the side of the channel to dry watching the eddying currents play with a couple of leaves, really made the day.
On the whole it was just a beautiful day enjoying the sand and sea. Fully recommend it to anyone. Seize the day!
On that note, let’s see what the cards had to say about today.
The Cards
Position one is Aloneness. Aloneness should not imply lonely. Aloneness is an inner peace with one’s own company. This applies whether you are in company or not alone. It’s about being comfortable going your own way.
Some Lyrics from a Billy Joel song that come to mind, “Oh, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space | Either way it’s okay, you wake up with yourself” (My Life, see References). Basically, within the context of this day, it means that your own views and path is strong enough to guide you regardless of other people’s opinions. Okay, that’s probably not the gist of the song …. or is it? But the extract just seemed to work here.
In the Now position Aloneness, influenced by the Moment to Moment card simply means enjoy being yourself. Or should I say it implies that I will be comfortable being myself and doing what I need to do.
Position two is Moment to Moment. A lovely supportive card in the Influencer location. The card shows a person taking one step at a time at each moment. It’s about being in the moment.
Based on the day, outlined in the context these two cards accurately depict the kind of day I/ we had.
Position three is The Rebel. The Rebel in the Goal position represents a desire to follow my own path and do things my own way. Not separate from society but by being part of it. Again, this harmonises with the the independence highlighted in Aloneness and the state of awareness indicated by the Moment to Moment cards.
Position four is The Outsider. On the ‘About Me’ page, I indicated that I’ve always felt and have been seen as an outsider to the typical social groups. I’m not free of it yet, I suffer severe FOMO (fear of missing out). Yet, I’ve never really been able to change myself enough to become the person that would be accepted.
It would go contrary to everything I am, nor would it be fair on the groups I’m trying to be included by. This is separate to being accepted by the groups, I get along fine with the majority of people, I just don’t get the invites to things that I think I want to go to – although I know that I some of the time I wouldn’t want to be there.
This wanting to be included but fear that “they” are omitting me is really not something they have put on me. It’s more that I don’t share the interests in the same things, and quite rightly am not invited. So, the missing out is created by me. I could get included but it’s only me holding myself back. The choice is mine.
Because of this I’ve had to make my own way and be my own light. Hence, The Outsider card in the Distant Past position has influenced the Now moment in this layout reflected in the Aloneness card.
Position five is Comparison. That feeling of being outside and not included comes from an internal habit of constantly comparing against people who aren’t me. Sometimes, it’s even comparing myself to myself rather than simply living in the now.
However, through darkness light arises and without experiencing the dark you might not know what light is.
So, comparison is necessary however judgement of the comparison is like comparing the bamboo to the oak – both simply are.
Position six is Celebration. The Future Energy then is that of Celebration. Breaking through that comparison and letting go of constraints – simply enjoying the moment.
Today, was a day of enjoying each moment and by changing routine you have the opportunity to figuratively clean out areas unreachable because of the daily rituals being present.
Position seven is Slowing Down. Today was a day of slowing down my Feelings were able to step back because there was no real place to go.
The time differences between New South Wales and Queensland during the summer months is challenging if you are bound to a timetable, especially since the electronic devices show a different time depending on which cell tower you’re accessing.
If you’re not bound by a schedule from waking to sleeping this adds to the feeling of freedom. It does take a little mental adjustment to let go of time and simply slow down.
I may not have been able to “stop” like a friend of mine suggested but I was able to slow down and smell the sea breeze.
Position eight is Playfulness. It was easy to see what Others’ Views of me today might have been and it certainly fit with the card of Playfulness.
From the cheeky interaction with the breakfast hosts to light water splashing in the harbour and playful chit-chat with people in the lifts (elevators), and food lines.
Playfulness and relaxation may very well have been how I/ we were seen.
Position nine is Breakthrough. Position nine is the Hopes & Fears position and my hope is that my inner light will shine through and break out of the constraints that I’ve been keeping it under – at times. Such a Breakthrough though would also mean that I would have to let go of some well worn comforts tropes.
Here we are at the the Outcome card which is position ten and the card is Experiencing. Looking back over the past 24 hours, it has been quite eventful and full of joyful experiences.
None of the experiences were organised or directed today. I would have been comfortable and content going through the day simply reading a book; but I/ we just went where the mood took us. That is what Experiencing is all about.
Day 015 – The Burden of Laziness
15 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to Day 15!
Have you ever wondered why we go on vacation/ holidays? This isn’t a question about the mental or physical health benefits of taking a break away from known environments. It’s really just a playful question on the stuff you need to do before you go on even a weekend vacation.
It might just be me, but before I go on vacation I like to make sure the house is tidy so when I come back the coming back is like a refreshing view from vacation. Let me explain. If the homecoming is to a messy house, the break feels like it might as well not have happened.
If the place is tidy upon returning home, it’s like an angelic choir sings as I walk through the door and the peace gained from the break continues for a little longer. The stark reality can ease its way back into existence rather than the instant plummet of coming back to housework.
Today is the day when we go to the Gold Coast. Due to some learning I was doing last night with respect to certain aspects of development, I got to bed later than anticipated. This meant that I woke up later than anticipated and I was also tired. This warranted a longer than usual breakfast.
Then I did the cards and saw the Outcome of Laziness. This is like a red flag to a bull. Not wanting to be seen as lazy, I over compensate and push myself to do everything. Of course, that’s not the real cause of the laziness.
Read on to today’s card analysis to find out more about the difference between healing and laziness – that’s if I can work it out!
The Cards
The first card is Healing. In the Osho book Healing is about being less in the mind and more in the now. Letting go of the ruminating thoughts, like in the situation with Betty.
In the past I agonized about whether a person would contact me or not contact me. Not in the “never speaking with you again” situation more if we’d hurt each other, along the lines more of a romantic relationship break-ups situation – I’ve had a few of those.
Fortunately, I was busy focussing on not being lazy. And really, there was nothing I could do about any of it, anyway. All my analysis had happened yesterday, I’d talked it out in the spirit of compassion and could do no more. Personally, I was over thinking about it – it’s never helped me in the past and it wouldn’t change whatever Betty was feeling or going through. From my analysis, it seemed to be that I was the trigger for a whole lot of things busy being avoided.
The Healing had certainly begun and I was strangely at peace with it all. Maybe that’s what the healing is all about.
Then we have Schizophrenia as the Influence on Healing. This makes sense, if you then factor in whether I was in two minds about whether I was being callous in letting it go and not letting it bother me. Or whether the right thing to do would be to reach out. If I indeed was a trigger for her issues then my contact would raise them again. If in truth, we had just grown apart again I would be making things worse.
The Goal of The Burden makes sense when I time is typically my burden when it comes to everyday social activities. My family and friends were stoked when I met my husband and he was an “early/ on-time person” because we arrived at events on-time.
The Burden of time and the getting away is a double whammy for me today. My burden was to pick up my husband at 3:30pm. Of course, you will have instantly spotted the weak-point; my husband was not there to prompt me to get away on time to “pick up my husband”.
Then there was the Laziness card driving me not to be lazy, and everything including the kitchen sink got done – except maybe the post I was writing for the day. Sitting down to do that would have taken more time than I had. For that I need to allow what I call “drift time”, which I didn’t have because I had a “pick up husband” deadline!
In Distant Past is the Friendliness card and its is a lovely card. The Osho book (see References) speaks of the independence of being. I’ll think I’ll quote it: “(f)irst meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful. Then it is simple, too.” You don’t depend on others and you don’t make others dependent on you.”.
Most of my friendships are like this. We help each other out and even if we don’t speak to each other for years, when we pick up the phone the time that has elapsed has made no difference.
Sitting in the Distant Past simply highlights this style of friendship and forms the basis on which to base today’s card of Healing.
The Recent Past position has Thunderbolt. Thunderbolt is the change of circumstances and the destruction of a structure that has been in place. I usually view this card as one of the few “everyday” cards in the Osho deck.
It’s the change in physical location, the change of work, physical circumstances or other more tangible aspects. Or should I say that the internal shift is so great that it manifests physically or even vis-a-versa.
‘The Recent Past position is the now or just passing. Since we will be relocating to a vacationing spot. This is certainly an accurate reflection of the physical.
The Future Energy position has Integration. Integration it’s the consistency of the warring elements within your mind. It’s when what’s inside is what’s outside crystalises into a whole or a stronger bond.
In the Feelings position is The Source. The Source to me is about connection to yourself and a vacation is very much about removing external objects and reconnecting with that centre. It’s like hitting the reset button or if you play or have watched console games, its like sitting at the last checkpoint before beginning again.
Politics is an interesting card to show up in the Other People’s Views position. Mainly because I didn’t interact with anyone except my husband. And I’m pretty sure that my husband didn’t see me as being political.
The Politics card is about being two-faced and having to do what you need to do even if it is unpleasant.
Sorry, don’t having anything else on this one today.
Today’s Hopes and Fears position has Adventure. Apart from being and going on adventure it has the ability to link with the freshness and wonder of a child playing with a “light switch for the first time”. It’s that sense of wonder. It doesn’t have to be about anything big but seeing things anew.
Yes. I’m hoping that the vacation will certainly put a new shininess to things. The fear is that it will be the “same old thing” or as we say in Australia “same ol’, same ol’”.
Right from the start I’ve mentioned the Laziness and here it is in the Outcome position!
As we have discovered that healing doesn’t mean sitting around on my butt going “woe is me” – that probably laziness (which I’m sure if they handed out awards, I would have a couple).
No, Laziness is about resting on your laurels and your successes. It’s about putting something in place and then neglecting to perform maintenance.
While the it will seem everything is fine there are tiny signs of things starting to deteriorate.
Following on from the activity of the day I noticed, little things in the garden that need to get looked at, which we have been neglecting. Basically, if I’d gotten to it in a timely manner I wouldn’t be running around doing that as well as just cleaning basics right before going away!
Laziness (not the card) is what made me late for picking up my husband.
Neglecting household stuff and relationships could also apply. Since this is an Outcome position card, we can only what happens.
Day 014 – Fallout
14 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to day 14!
After an intense emotional day yesterday, I’ve had some time to reflect upon the interaction and today things look in a different light. The fourteenth of anything usually deals with the changes that occur on the thirteenth. Nice to see that side of things panning out too!
My emotions on yesterday fluctuated today but I was at peace to some extent. During reflections I’ve discovered what a blessing my friend is and how courageous her soul was to spew forth what she felt needed to be said. If I don’t always need friends to just constantly agree with me and tell me I am wonderful, if a friend is unable to tell you outright that you’re full of bull, then who could.
When I was in my mid 20’s I went to see a Tarot reader to advise on an issue which has been plaguing me. The reading didn’t go anywhere near expectations and again I was gutted. Being the angry-ish person I was at the time I sought support in a friend about that nasty tarot reader.
Instead of giving me support in terms of sympathising with me, she empathised and told me that the tarot reader was right! Slam!
This comment snapped me out of my obsessive spin on the topic – whatever it was and had me step back to look at the situation and make better less reactive choices. This is what my friends are for. At least, I can be embarrassed about my behaviour to someone that accepts me for me.
By the way, my mother and sister do likewise, as well as being family, I “like” them and consider them fam-friends.
Let’s see what the cards have to say today!
The Cards
First is Now and Transformation – Yesterday Transformation was in the Outcome position and today it is in the Now position. What does it mean? For me it means that today the Transformation was taking place. It is were a game, it would have been smack in the middle of it. The Now position is also more than current state, it can also capture the issue the questioner has (aka me).
Like what sort of transformation am I choosing to go through. My reactions to the situation are completely my own and I have the ability to choose my response (responsability) and guide where I end up.
Okay, that takes a bit of effort and some self reflection and a massive amount to hard work – but I think it’s worth it. As mentioned yesterday, I am aiming for the ability to exhibit immediate compassion rather than allowing for a passage of time before I realise what is actually occuring.
Second is Influence and The Source – On Day 012 The Source was in the Future Energy position and now it’s in the Influence position. At first, I was tempted to write this off as a different influence, but then thought about what the Influence position is about and the Now position is NOW being influenced by the Influence card. Which means it’s happening at the same time as the Now. Therefore, moving from Future Energy to the Now makes complete sense.
Third is Goal and The Fool – This is the first appearance for the card of The Fool and it’s sitting nicely in the the Goal position. The Fool is all about taking on new things and basically going, “let’s see what happens!” or “how hard can it be?”! The result of such a decision could mean egg on your face, falling flat on your face or you could wind up smelling of roses. Of course, The Fool is holding a rose in his hand and so is betting on the roses to win otherwise he wouldn’t take the step.
This has been true of many things around my website and it’s certainly the approach I have taken to the situation with Betty yesterday. I can do nothing else.
Fourth is Distant Past and Harmony – The Harmony of the past in situations has helped form the foundations for personal success. The Harmony card in this deck speaks of stripping back everything you know to its most simple principle. This means risking everything you are. In the past, I have been there with a previous boyfriend. It’s strangely calming when you step back from the emotions.
I like to think that there are there sides to the self. There’s the male side which is all about action and protection. Action being the very essence of doing and protection being the very essence of closure. Then there’s the female side which is all about accepting and accommodation. Acceptance being all about patience and waiting while accommodation is the very essence of openness. Then there’s the third element which I call the Wisdom of the Ages. Neither male or female but is director, confident and mediator between the other two.
When my female side got figuratively smacked in the teeth by coming home to an empty house after work. The male side wanted to lash out in anger in defense of the female side. There were so many get back strategies that could really reciprocate the hurt onto the offender.
In a complex mental struggle with the “voice” in my head I call the “wisdom of the ages” directing the desire to act harmful or to act and support my emotions by listening to them and letting them just simply be hurt and cry it out. The latter won and it was a refreshing way to deal with a break-up and I recovered sooner than I thought I would.
Fifth is Recent Past and New Vision – Yesterday New Vision was in the Outcome position and today it’s in the Recent Past. Is it me, or do some of these cards flow at the moment? I’m trying very hard to not shuffle them together. Each day the cards are returned to the deck distributed through the deck ensuring they are not next to each other and therefore start in a position away from each other.
New Vision is about embracing the light and dark of a situation and accepting it warts, beauty and all then coming out with a new point of view. Waiting until today to reassess yesterday’s situation certainly did that for me.
Sixth is Future Energy and Understanding – Understanding is something that seems to be a logical extension of the growth that’s been happening. As we have seen from when Understanding appeared last time, Understanding is about putting bars on a situation that may not have needed to be there. The card is about being too hard on yourself and then discovering that this is what you’ve been doing.
Seventh is Feelings and Ripeness – This position represents the questioner’s feelings about the Now situation. Read literally the questioner was ripe for the transformation. Ripeness is like saying “I’m ready for testing Universe, whenever you are!”. It was a good teaching experience, I just wish it didn’t have such a potential dire consequence. It is what it is.
Eighth is Others‘ Views and Letting Go – This will be interesting, because I feel like I’m letting it go. All the anxiety, all the pain and simply accepting that this is what needs to happen. If the cards are right, this is what I am – will shortly project.
Nineth is Hopes & Fears and Intensity – The Intensity card speaks to the quote I have on the My Soul Embrace home page about following your own path. Again, this is an area where I have been giving a lot of thought. My fear is that I’ve gone astray from what I want to do. My hope is that my path will get me to where I want to go. No way to know unless I keep going.
Tenth is Outcome and Success – It’s always nice to see the Success card. It means that something’s bound to go right. even if it is for a short while. The Success card is also a reminder to enjoy the success but don’t latch to it. Oooh.. exciting!
Day 013 – Betty, Dobby, Transforming a New Vision
13 January 2021
Dobby & Betty Context
My plan for today started simply, and I was going to work on the Celtic Cross Layout, record it and post it on a separate info page. Putting the layout up on the website was transforming a new vision into reality. First, I would need to learn how to do some of those things. Luckily, I enjoy learning. I also wanted to upload my logo at the very least so that the tab you see at the top in your search engine shows my little logo.
“Moltke, the Elder” has been quoted as saying, “no plan survives contact with the enemy” (Wikipedia) and for me, “today” was the enemy. The morning usually began enough, but by 9:30-10:00 am, I discovered a cowering mouse beneath the water bowl. The bowl has a mouse-sized hole which before now I had not thought of as a mouse hole.
Dobby and the Mouse
It was most likely brought in by Dobby (cat number 2) because it was alive. After a few seconds of thinking, I managed to trap the mouse. Valentine (cat number 1), our other cat, with more of a killer instinct, was attempting to get at the mouse trapped in a clear upside-down Tupperware lettuce container (the one’s with holes).
To prevent the creature from being harassed, I needed to grab a brick – I hadn’t quite worked up the courage to try and move the mouse if I lifted the container and it escaped. Then I’d be in an even bigger pickle! Long story short, this mouse stayed where I captured it and at the back of my mind all day, exuding a subtle tension. Kill it or let it go. Where do I let it go? Am I then potentially unleashing a plague upon the suburb?
Will the mouse go from being a hunted creature (birds, snakes, lizards, cats all eat mice) to a dominant species with humanity shifting the local ecosystem? Okay. So, I’m overthinking it just a little. It’s the whole “earthquake happens if a butterfly flaps its wings” thing.
Transforming a New Vision of an Old Friend
Then a spot of lunch. After lunch, I got a most welcome phone call from a friend, who here I will simply call Betty for writing purposes. It’s a safe name for me because I don’t know anyone called Betty at the moment. Betty and I haven’t spoken in ages. At the outset, I got the impression Betty was having a glass of wine during our chat. Having a drink is not uncommon amongst my friends to have a glass of wine and conversation.
So, we pleasantly discussed COVID-19 (Corona Virus), its isolation impacts, the US election, its results, along our hopes and fears. We talked a bit about physical aches, pains, getting older, her dog, her niece, her country of origin and relationships with husbands and people in general. A couple of emotional teary starts on Betty’s part, but she assured me she was okay.
Somewhere, I must have missed a cue. Maybe it was the talking to an old friend, the inability of connecting when perhaps the cabin fever began to show. The conversation went from lightness to a profound probe question of, “who are you, Michaela?”. The conversation went from, “I miss you and you guys (our other friends) so much” to “I’ve just wasted two hours of my time talking to someone I don’t know and what I’ve learned in all my years is that I have choices and I no longer choose to speak with you”. It was the blink of an eye. Ouch! Betty then put the phone down – not hung up.
Shock as Transformation Hits Me
The suddenness stopped me in my tracks. In the professions dealing with the psyche, they would probably argue people go to the extremes of the fight or flight response when shocked. When confronted with an uncertain situation, I can’t decide whether to fight or take flight. The centre of that spectrum is “freeze”. I didn’t lash out with harsh words as I might have once, nor did I hang up the phone and flee. Instead, I paused waited to see what would happen. After a few moments of silence on the end of the phone, I hung up.
Of course, Betty’s a friend of 30 years, and to some degree, I got the frustration. Is this the end from my point of view? Certainly not. I’ll give her time to get over her hangover and send an email to test the waters. From there, it’ll be up to Betty how much of it was me and how much it was anxiety.
It reminds me of how hard isolation can be, mainly if you are used to socialising. If you are not into technology, like Betty, life might be challenging indeed. Betty loves the intimacy of face to face in-person conversations – like most of us. It’s probably something about other people’s pheromones (refer to References) and their scent which you don’t get when technology is involved. I didn’t get to ask whether she used video chats, but I suspect not. The video chats have made it easier for my mother, and at least she can see who is on the other side of the conversation.
On the upside of my hurt, I reached out to a mutual friend to talk it out. Thank goodness for friends!
Enough about that; what did the cards predict.
Today's Cards
Analysis
Cross - first three
First card Compromise in the Now position. Firstly, I can relate this to both situations today. Capturing the mouse and not doing anything with it was a compromise. The mouse didn’t win because it wasn’t free but it was alive; I didn’t win because the mouse was alive and I didn’t know what to do with this. This also sounds a bit like Schizophrenia’s rock and a hard place.
No-thingness was the second card out. This is a tricky one since I usually refer to No-thingness as “potential”, is Compromise threatened by potential creativity? Perhaps it’s a situation in which I needed to get creative about. Let’s assume it’s the mouse situation and that option one was “kill mouse” and option two was “let mouse go”. The compromise was let mouse go at the end of the day.
With respect to Betty maybe No-thingness can be interpreted best as “openness” as opposed to receptivity. Perhaps it’s being open to Compromise?
Conditioning was the third card selected and sits in the Goal position. Conditioning is an interesting card and in the Osho deck talks about the lion brought up by sheep and led to believe it was a sheep. That was, until one day it discovered he was a lion and not a sheep. Osho sees societal conditioning as the sheep and the individual as the lion. As a Goal, it might mean that it’s time for me to look inside.
For a moment, I’m just going to mix up the tarot deck and refer to The Mythic Tarot where its about battling your ego or lion within. The day certainly challenged my ego and it is without ego that I can say there has been some improvement to my early life’s reactions to a similar situations.
Cross - Distant & Recent Past
Next is the Distant Past position and Participation is its card. Previously Participation showed on Day 004 in the Future Energy position and the card is described as enjoying life and be a part of it. My thoughts on this one go to my interaction with Betty and how in the past we embraced each other’s company.
Again, talk of this threw the contact into stark relief and today’s interaction showed that she missed our past “girl gathering” interactions keenly. This stirred up the realisation that said style interaction would not be possible in the near future. Reinforcing the cabin fever she was already feeling (refer References).
Recent Past position has Schizophrenia – The personality split in two minds. Our being seeks wholeness. Betty’s dilemma reflected in part my thoughts and my actions. Entertaining the burden of what society requires at present; restrictions put in place for the safety of all to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus. Divides us internally.
We as people who strive for togetherness are now more than ever forced to face ourselves and the choices we have made on where we live and who we live with. There are no more distractions to keep us from facing our immediate lives. Perhaps its millennia of conditioning that’s kept us from pursuing our dreams, bound up by a responsibility we don’t really want to understand.
Then there’s my frustration at not being able to reach out and simply exist in the same space as my friend.
Future Energy is Transformation – it’s not hard to understand why this card has shown up in the Future Energy position. If I had read the cards at the beginning of the day, I would have been clueless as to what my day would entail. As mentioned, my plan was so different to what transpired.
Transformation
Transformation is the card that tells you that something has forever changed and is irreversible, akin to the moment of learning that Santa is not a real being. It’s the moment you lose your virginity – there’s no turning back. Sadly, so too was my interaction with my friend Betty yesterday.
It took me a while and a meditation to realise what the situation might be. Although I made progress on my immediate response it’s far from where I would like to be of responding immediately with compassion instead of stillness.
Base
Feelings position is Adventure – Although this might sound a little haughty or aloof I am glad of the experience that Betty provided me. Although I hope that the interaction was not my last with her. It allowed me to look at my truth. Not in the analysis that I am doing here but at the moment of asking.
While I knew my response would have been, “I don’t know”. There are also so many facets to the question that hardly made a difference at the instant where I knew instantly then stumbled to articulate 10,000 words into sentences. This truth is what the Adventure card is all about.
On a literal everyday level, Adventure also reflects the adventure of the upcoming weekend away.
Other People’s Views is Possibilities – Here we have the Possibilities showing up again – that’s eight times in fourteen days. This time it’s how other people see me. Perhaps in chatting to my friends – they being the other – and talking about the plans for the website they saw creativity and possibilities ahead. Maybe it looks like keeping myself too busy to live.
The Hopes and Fears position is Inner Voice – This card is about being the same person on the outside as I am on the inside. The same person that speaks to you at home, at work and to my friends. Naturally, if I were to be in each moment I would be speaking my truth at all times. It is certainly my hope, my fear is not being able to attain or sustain it. This makes logical sense in light of Betty’s call.
Outcome position is New Vision – A popular card of late New Vision. Whenever it has appeared it has been about accepting the light with the dark, the good with the bad. This is exactly what my plan is moving forward it’s a slightly new way of being and certainly gives me reason to continue meditating and practising mindfulness.
Day 012 – Stupidity and Politics
12 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Last night I realised there could be other meanings to the Sorrow and The Burden cards. In short, I realised I was burning the candle at both ends.
Doing the layout first thing in the morning and then typing up the day’s events last thing at night is not a sustainable process for a year. The cards would begin to represent a burden to me which is not their intention. Their intention is to provide data for some statistical musings, conjecture and fun. Not a rod for my back, which would turn into resentment, cynicism and bitterness – mainly toward myself. Something best avoided lest it translate into insincerity and therefore become a honest and enjoyable read.
This morning I awoke to the much awaited registration of my logo – words, image, words and image together. It takes a while for it to be approved. Once you know the process you understand why it needs to take so long (optimistically seven months) because the process requires time – literally. It’s like putting a cake in the oven, it will take time to cook. During which time you cannot use the logo it to promote yourself – in case it gets disputed.
My advice is to anyone wanting to have an image or name that’s relatively secure, legally speaking, get onto it as soon as you can.
Before we get started, I have mixed feeling about the cards today and when you look at them you’ll understand why. Oh well, let’s get to the cards!
The Cards
The first card out is New Vision. If this represents the Now – and it does – it means that it’s important to understand the necessity for light and dark to exist in order for the life’s experiences to be more meaningful. This isn’t new to anyone reading these posts. Being in the Now position is what makes this more poignant today. The interesting factor is the human element being in the centre having access to both.
Funnily, I wrote the above words on the mixed feelings about the cards this morning when only three cards drew my attention – Postponement (grrr), Guilt and Politics. There was also a cursory growl at Comparison too. It would seem then that the New Vision card was to be a reminder to embrace both aspects of experience.
New Vision is crowned by Creativity. Normally, I would be delighted to have Creativity show up, however the cursory glance the morning has now made New Vision a reminder. Why do I say this?
You see, not liking the Postponement card very much has me spending a lot of time trying not to postpone things but unwittingly while doing so come to realise that I am an excellent postponer, when my ego doesn’t want to face something. Managing to kid myself into thinking I’m being productive all the while postponing the actual thing that I should not be postponing. Seriously, kids avoiding bedtime could take lessons from me…. Don’t worry parents, I won’t be holding avoidance classes anytime soon!
See. Where was I? Oh, yes. Creativity on top of a reminder to embrace the dark as well as the light and knowing Postponement is the Outcome card simply translates to me finding lots of “creative” ways to avoid doing what I need to do. What it is I need to do is actually irrelevant.
Oh, you might enjoy this a little the Goal card has Politics. Oh dear. The Goal position is not always a consciously set goal, it manifests based on the Now position you find yourself in. The Politics card is about being two-faced. It’s like the Compromise card in that it’s all mind games. Saying one thing while doing another. This is something that is sometimes necessary.
When it comes to accepting the dark cards and the light cards to enrich life experiences as a goal, it means that I’ve been setting about politicking myself. Telling myself, “I’m not avoiding” with one face and with the other face, “you know, you really are”. Phooey!
In the Distant Past position is Thunderbolt. Thunderbolt showed up on Day 008 in the Future Energy position and looks like its moved to the past. On Day 008 it was about the lockdown coming into effect. It appears that lockdown is definitely in the past.
But during lockdown I had hopes, as remarked yesterday of completing more household chores, more writing, more of everything. Yet, it appears that I did a lot of things just not those I had planned.
The nice thing about Thunderbolt in the Distant Past and having captured it on Day 008 the thread was easy to follow without me trying to push it to make it work. 🙂
Existence is in Recent Past. How wonderful! I love this card (I’m allowed to like the light – that’s what it’s for). It is about simply being.
It’s the card that most tells the, “It’s a Wonderful Life” (1946) Christmas Movie story. Which incidentally, I only saw it for the first time in November 2020. It’s a great movie that tells a story about a person’s relevance.
My near death experience had me feel what life would be like if I were to have exited this existence at that time. Not as succinctly as in the movie but there was a sense of a hole in the future where I should be. It was quite humbling and life reaffirming at the same time.
So the Existence card is about knowing that there never has been, is or will be another person quite like you.
Future Energy is The Source – not the stuff you put on chips and pies but the centre of creativity. Perhaps I was being too harsh on Creativity as the Influence card just being about excuses for Postponement. The Source is what drives a new project, it’s about what lets us settle back and rest if that’s what’s needed. That says to me that more website writing or creativity is on the horizon.
Moving into my Feelings on New Vision and Creativity situation. New Vision from my literal interpretation is the is just what the words on the card say it is. The Success card for me immediately rang to the successful registration of my logo! Which I will put up tomorrow, it will also make it easier for me to approach a developer to zhuzh up the site. By the way, I’m so excited about this!
Here is a dark side card in the Other People’s Views position and it is ….. Guilt. Not having looked at the layout too closely this morning I noted the card but not the spot. The spot being Other People’s Views, which isn’t as dark as I thought it would be. Nonetheless, I will keep the balance of dark and light appreciation in mind moving forward.
This part is where I guess what other people might be viewing from the outside. My husband might certainly think that I’m beating myself up on any number of topics. What might it be about today?
For something different it could be about the fact that we’re planning that trip to Surfer’s Paradise and the lady next door always feeds our cats and fish while we’re away. In appreciation for her efforts we ordered an additional meal kit that we could hand to her. In COVID/ Corona Virus days, that’s like buying someone dinner :).
Maybe my husband and/ or my neighbour feel I’m doing this out of guilt and then the Guilt card would apply. There are, of course, other reasons. As mentioned, this position is tough to read for yourself.
The Comparison card visits me again in the Hopes & Fears position. Of the four times the card has appeared in the layout three of those times has been in the Hopes & Fears position. You would think I would learn to stop comparing myself to others or what I perceive of others. I’ve watched the movie ‘Hilary and Jackie’ (1998) where things are not all they seem and how some actions can be misunderstood. Yet I continue to do it.
Hoping that I possess certain skills dominant in someone else and fearing that I won’t measure up. Knowing deep down that I have my own skill set which is mine alone. I should take heed of the Existence card more often.
Finally, we get to the Outcome card of Postponement. The card that unwittingly set the tone for the day. Discovering that while working on the “pretty aspects” of the website I’m not “fixing” the bits of the website. Bits that aren’t working the way I would like them to for a better reader experience. This could be where other’s see me exhibiting some Guilt.
There’s one thing I’m not going to postpone any further and that’s publishing this article.
If you’re reading this, publishing has worked!
Day 011 – Weeds are a Burden
6 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to day 11 and the third day of lockdown! How did the people in Victoria, Australia cope with six weeks of lockdown? That must have been super tough!
The good news for us Brisbane-ites or Brisbanians is that we have had no new cases in three days. Fortunately, jumping on one case of the more infectious UK strain of COVID-19 meant that restrictions have eased but mask wearing in pubic places is still mandatory. However, we are not restricted to the home anymore.
Of course, it’s like those movies where someone quietly saves the day and everyone not in the know thinks it’s simply a knee jerk reaction.
It’s always difficult to prove things would have been much worse. Similar to the Y2K madness in the late ‘90s, for those of us old enough to remember. Because of all the work that was done prior to the year 2000, “did we prevent a disaster or was it over-reaction?”.
Thankfully, we will never know. At worst a lot of money was spent keeping people employed to do nothing. At not-so-bad, a lot of systems that needed improving were improved. Obviously, the best case was that a global disaster was prevented.
Emotionally today the “lawn” played on my mind. The falling leaves from the past few weeks of rain and wind have really let things get out of hand. Having a three day weekend with my husband, I thought we would get an opportunity to do more. This wasn’t the case due to two days of bad weather. I found myself longing for the days of an apartment.
I did manage to get out the lawnmower and edge trimmer and neatened the council lawn up out the front of our place. Normally I would do our neighbours lawns as well. Before you start thinking that this might be noble, it’s not. The space is as big as a standard middle class home dining room. Today I simply didn’t have the energy to do it. Maybe tomorrow, if I’m looking for something to do.
On a more practical note, since restrictions have been lifted it means that we can go on our trip to Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast for a couple of days break. Going away meant that I needed to ensure that I would be able to write the daily posts on the cards.
Let’s see what today’s cards have to say about that!
The Cards
The first card in the Now position is Ripeness. If I had to say what Ripeness was it’s the fact that I’m ready to share me with the Internet. Not that my life is particularly interesting, but it just seems to be the right time to do so. This might mean just capturing my experiences with the website and its development at first. And boy have I got ideas for the site …. ideas yes. Skill level no.
Integration is in the Influencer position and the second card dealt. Integration on top of Ripeness seems to indicate that it is not a block. My reasoning for this is that Integration is about bringing things together. About a certain state of maturity before Ripeness can proceed. Thus supporting the now rather than hindering it since the Now was already ready.
If I were determined to read the card as a block card I could argue that the time to integrate elements may cause the Ripeness to spoil rather than aiding it.
Maturity in the Goal position and third card. Seems to follow on nicely from Ripeness and Integration. Ripeness is a form of Maturity after all. Desiring or seeking it is equivalent say to having those skills that I lack. Again, I’m relating this to my website and its development.
The Maturity may relate to having to mature my process so that it is portable and I am not confined to my desktop in order to upload content. Today was about refining the process and how the process will travel.
Morality in the Distant Past is another card that was situated in the Outcome position (Day 008). Doing things the right way have brought me to this position or at the very least conforming to the parameters that the web-development tools push me into using correctly. Funnily, near enough is not good enough for some of these tools. Thankfully, it has brought about Ripeness.
The Abundance card sits in the Recent Past position and possibly comes from the generous amount to energy today had. Cleaning, lawn mowing, portabl-ising my website capture equipment and the appropriate jig to the plan on how to actually travel with it.
Sorrow is in the Future Energy position. Sorrow is the card of things not getting where you would like them to be. In addition to being sadness personified. In times of our greatest misery and pain a clarity can form. This is not the made clarity that can come from anger, anything that derives from anger needs to be assessed once the anger has eased.
Back to my lawn mowing and the weeds. I started sitting on the lawn with my weeding tool to start weeding when I realised the weeds had gotten out of control. Not wanting to just mow over them to hide them for another two weeks. It dawned that there was such a thing as weedkiller and there was some tucked at the back of the shed – along with a brand new weedkiller dispenser.
This discovery gave me an out. Mow now, weed in two days, then mow again and place the cuttings with weedkiller back over where the weeds were. Ta da! Enlightenment.
The Lovers is an interesting card and it sits in the Feelings position. Because I’ve written so much already, I’ll save the “how I met my husband” story for another day. The Lovers doesn’t mean sexual love necessarily. Nor does it mean that you will be with another person. The Lovers is about connection between the male and females sides of ourselves. The Lovers it’s the yin-yang of a situation in balance.
Sitting in the Feelings position makes it relevant because I moved on from getting in my way to pushing myself along. It’s balancing the physical with the mental exertion. Today, I felt I got the mix right.
The Other People’s Views is Courage. Do people see what I’m doing as courageous? There are so many reasons might be the case. I’m just going to put it out there, I’m a little impressed that I’ve gotten this far.
The Source in Hopes & Fears most possibly relates to the unlimited and controlled essence of creativity. It is the student with a little bit of knowledge to be dangerous and not enough of the lessons under the belt to know better – which incidentally is the fear.
The Burden is in the Outcome position. And today’s main burden was the lawn, more specifically the weeds in the lawn. Also, due to the late night last night clarity at the moment is getting a little foggy. Suffice it to say that there may still be some residual burden waiting in the wings. Not today.
Day 010 – Suppression and The Rebel
10 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to day 10! I’m excited to be moving into double digits. Wishing desperately that I had not started publishing without a buffer. On the upside you’re getting everything as soon as the day has happened with no delay.
My husband commented to me on yesterday’s posts about my feelings of being guilty about editors. He quite nicely mentioned that it’s an editor’s job to be a catalyst for the work submitted to them without leaving themselves in the work. While I understood this conceptually, describing like this helped me visualise their role better. What an amazing profession. Yet another profession of unsung heroes.
However, I know myself enough that if I did not take a break my enthusiasm would wane. A break I took because the cats don’t do housework and while husband does do housework, it’s not fair to have him do it all on what is also his day off.
Today is the second day of Greater Brisbane Lockdown with only essential movement allowed. Masks even need to be worn in the car should you need to go to the shops; which is something we did do today.
You see I’m an ovo-lacto vegetarian and my husband is your standard omnivore with a fondness for meaty foods. When lockdown was announced on Friday he rang me to get some cold meats for him and some chicken strips so he could have dinners over the next couple of nights.
When I went to the shops it was busy and all I managed to get him was one small meat lovers pizza and some ham.
Not having eaten or shopped for meat in twenty-seven years meant that I lacked the expertise to gauge how much meat might be required on a sandwich. Husband mentioned to his work colleagues after he hung up that he might wind up with a kilo or 100g.
So, I underestimated the quantity for three days and got flustered and forgot to get chicken strips :(. Eh… going vegetarian would be so bad for a day … would it?
Apparently, it was. We decided to get exercise in with the shopping by walking to the shops.
Today also held moments of gardening and cleaning out the small water feature because the pump had died.
How much more exciting did you expect the day to get while we’re in lockdown? :).
Maybe the cards will add some excitement … let’s take a look.
The Cards
First card in the Now is Suppression. The disadvantage of doing your own cards is that quite often when you come across a card like Suppression you’re exactly sure what you could be suppressing. Let’s just say I was trying to keep away from the website for my own good – or was it? An external reader may have been able to identify what exactly it was that I was trying to suppress.
The second card in the Influence position is Beyond Illusion. Because position one had Suppression I am going to say that the chrysalis may reach a stage of taking a moment before trying again. Much as the birthing process the mother may wish to take a moment before needing to push again.
So too was today, that rest day before a rededication to the task at hand. The slowing or taking a breather is what Beyond Illusion‘s influence appears to be, if I were to make it work without referring to the book.
Third card in the Goal position is The Dream. I’m never quite sure of what to make of The Dream card in any position but when it appears in the Goal position and I know what The Dream means. How can I be wishing for a Goal of romantic ideals or notions when they are unrealistic? Maybe it’s because it is a romantic notion I fall for it.
I’m going to put this out there, not doing a lot in a day means that I need to hone in on minor things because that’s all there is to relate it to. At this point, I cannot relate this card to anything specific without clutching at straws. Maybe it’s just the everyday-ness that’s the dream or that my life is less interesting that I thought?
Distant Past position has Consciousness. It looks like Consciousness has moved from being in the Outcome position on Day 007 to now being in the Distant Past – exciting! My expectation is that either Outcomes, Future Energy or cards in the Feelings cards might appear in the Distant Past.
Consciousness represents clarity of thought that led to the Now card of Suppression. Confusing?
Not really, I awakened my enthusiasm for the website and was ploughing ahead, when today I decided to suppress that enthusiasm because I wanted to do what I used to do on weekends.
It’s bit of nostalgia or wanting to be able to do both. Aha! … that’s where the The Dream card fits as a Goal. I know very well that I cannot go back – not least for a year – which is what the ‘experiment’ of Tarot Days was set up to do.
The Recent Past position has Projections. In line with The Dream is Projections. Projections is about because I link things a certain way that the person I am talking to also links it the same way; or at least I that’s what I believe is happening. This might be the vegetarian thing. It really couldn’t be all bad being a vegetarian for one day, could it? Really?
Future Energy is The Master card and looking ahead a little with position seven having The Rebel card, these two cards are reflecting similar concepts. Both are not bound by everyday conditioning and social constructs.
The difference between them is that The Rebel does the breaking in going his own way and The Master exists outside of the constructs themselves. In my case, it might just be that I’m oblivious to the constructs.
The Master, to me, is like how the journey to enlightenment was described to me: “when you first start your journey a mountain is just a mountain, as you grow in awareness you see that the mountain is so much more than a mountain, when you reach enlightenment a mountain is just a mountain”.
Apart from the obvious that the enlightenment is also about the journey. Awareness of the mountain’s makeup: the rocks, grass, goats, critters, flowers, seeds, the dead flora and fauna, the new growth and the streams area a crucial part of appreciating the mountain as a mountain at enlightenment.
When The Master enters the layout, especially in the Future Energy spot it means that I will come back to a position I once held but with a better non-judgemental appreciation.
The Rebel card in position seven means that I will most likely view things I once snubbed in a new light but not in the same way that I used to. Let me explain … in my teens in order to show that I wasn’t influenced by a movies “hype” I deliberately didn’t go and see it. This meant though that I was missing out on great movies.
After a while I decided that being with friends was more important to me than a movie’s hype. I also realised that sometimes because you follow doesn’t mean you are a sheep. My rebellion, although stupid, eventually led me to reassess the things I found important.
Other People’s Views card is Schizophrenia. Now other people are seeing me between a rock and a hard place. My husband is my only feedback loop and we didn’t discuss it 🙂 – especially since he’s asleep while I’m writing this post.
At a guess, it could be the desire for a day off and knowing that I’m not able to get a buffer. He might just feel sorry for me. I’m okay with that.
Hopes & Fears position has Comparison. Once again the Comparison card shows up in the Hopes and Fears position. And I do have a pesky habit of comparing myself against people who I consider dynamic.
My neighbour, for instance, who in between rain bursts raced out and cut the lawn while I sat playing Words with Friends or doing jigsaw puzzles.
The Outcome position has Possibilities card yet again. That’s six times in ten days. It’s nice to have possibilities showing up all over the place.
Because of that I thought it was time I actually opened the book to see what it meant according to Osho in case it entailed more that the word implies. But, alas, it is in seeing possibilities around me and what is possible.
The book did add a nice little note indicating that help in the form that I need will assist. How lovely is that?!
Have a big virtual embrace from me. Until tomorrow ….
Day 009 – The Compassion of Understanding
9 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Welcome to day 9!
Today was the first day of lockdown for the Greater Brisbane area. This means that excitement needed to be found around the home. It also meant that my interstate family who usually have trouble catching up with me on a weekend knew exactly where to find me.
The change in weather and our presence at home has meant that the slave drivers (our cats) have their slaves easily to hand. On at least four occasions my masters has me pinned to the seat preventing me from doing any housework. It meant, of course, that left my husband free to bring me food and drink until they deigned to let me off the seat. It didn’t all go my way, the reverse was true when he was pinned down.
You may ask, how did these felines (fiends) manage to get the upper hand on two strong capable human beings? Let me respond with my own question, “have you ever been purred at or on?”. It’s incredibly difficult to resist, just like a puppy that looks up at you with sweet brown eyes wanting a piece of that chicken stuff you have on your plate.
Alternately, we might just be suckers.
Before I go any further, I should categorically state that I love my family and friends and do not mind being contacted by them whatever the time or the cause. Those that know me, know that when I write about “escaping them” it is only because I know they know I’m not serious. In fact, I am honoured to have them in my life.
Now back to the jesting :).
The excuses I proffered were like, washing my hair at 2:00pm, brushing my teeth, filing my fingernails did not pass for suitable “doing things” to avoid a Zoom chat. I did manage to forestall the meeting by claiming that one of our masters, Valentine, was on my lap. Which was apparently plausible – he’s gotten to them too!. Waylaid by master Valentine, hair brushing had to take a backseat. The Zoom chat clearly demonstrated that I had not brushed my hair for days!
On the upside, I got some gardening done even if it was raining.
That said, let’s see how interesting the cards make lockdown sound 🙂
The Cards
First card is Ripeness in the Now position. As the name implies I am ready for the next step and that some degree of maturity has been reached. Indeed, I believe there has been but for most of the day I was stalling on progressing. Fortunately, I had already committed to deliver a document for editing.
Second card in the Influence position is Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia being that rock and hard place decision making or at the very least being in two minds about doing or not doing something is a blocker card. The rock was commitments to my family and the hard place was the commitment to send something through for editing in the morning. Both happened just the timing changed from what was originally planned.
The third position or Goal position has the Friendliness card. This is just having a good feeling of solidarity with my fellow humans being in lockdown together. Or could it be that I would like the website to come across as friendly?
Distant Past card is Celebration. The card of Celebration is moving in a predictable arc. What this technically means is that the moment of Celebration has left an imprint from which future decisions has been built off. This could be that I had some success with asking for help instead of trying to go it alone. The best part about it was that I was humbled and pleased by the positive response.
Recent Past card is Trust. The part of me that was reluctant to ask for help, apart from not wanting to oblige my friends to help, was that I get a bit scared having an editor look at my stuff. This is for two reasons: one is that I’m scared of the judgement on the poor grammar and two is that if the editor finds too much to change that it reinforces that I’m not very good at it.
Okay there’s a third reason, if the editor does their job well, it sounds as if I could have written it and therefore on some part robs the editor a little of their skill – which what I really don’t want to do.
That then brings us to what Trust is all about – letting go and trusting the people and the process without it there’s no growth.
Fittingly, the Future Energy position shows the card of Going with the Flow. The image is of a person floating naked on their back in a relaxed state, letting the water/ river take its body wherever it will.
This is “going with the flow”. It’s not fighting where you’re going. Not fighting the circumstances of what you’re in. It’s simply surrendering and accepting without fear. Note, this is not being blindly led, the figure is not being forced.
Going with the Flow follows on from the Trust and Ripeness cards to demonstrate that it is certainly time to put documentation out there to be tweaked.
My Feelings on the issue card is Silence. As mentioned yesterday when Silence appeared as a Goal of listening to an inner quieted mind. My feelings on being ready (Ripeness) are very closely aligned to Going with the Flow. I am at peace with the actions I have taken and am awaiting feedback, whether that be good or bad from an ego perspective.
The Other People’s Views spot has the Creativity card. The Creativity card is like the card of pregnancy it is something that comes from you but does not belong to you. Creativity can be all absorbing for a while and buoys enthusiasm.
Am guessing that family and friends can see that in me at the moment. Every second paragraph rolls back to my website. I pity them over the next year *smile*.
The Hopes and Fears card is Possibilities and out of nine days it has shown up five times regardless of the shuffle method. The last three days I have been using the “washing machine method”. The method entails laying the cards on a flat surface and then simply swirling the cards around clockwise and counter-clockwise to ensure they are well and truly shuffled.
So Possibilities is what I hope for, in that I would like things to progress and open up for me. At some point, I will need to get the other things that make up a business website happening. Oh, you know little things like, “comments”, “like” and “subscribe” options at the bottom of posts. That will then trigger another learning curve – scary!
The Outcome position has the card of Understanding. Many years ago I had a dream of being jailed. The jail didn’t have doors or a warder to attend it. The jail was like one of those “honesty boxes” you see by the side of the road situation next to random fruits or vegetables.
Unsure of my crime, I sensed in the dream that it couldn’t have been serious if there were no bars, doors or guards. Not even any other inmates. After some time I realised I could leave whenever I wanted. There was no-one there to stop me but me. But I was cautious about leaving nonetheless.
It was such a vivid dream. Analysing my own dream on waking made me understand that sometimes I punish myself for stuff that no-one else would even think was even punishable. It was stuff that if it was someone else I wouldn’t punish them for it.
So, I had to pretend I was someone else and treat myself like I would them. Usually someone I loved and/ or cared about.
This is what the Understanding card is about. It is about realising that constraints that were in place by me on me were really of my own doing. Understanding in the Outcome position might simply mean that I am ripe for this type of realisation or that the indecision found in Schizophrenia and the fears in represented by Possibilities are distorted by an inner unfair and harsher perspective.
With love, Michaela
Day 008 – Doing things Properly
8 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
This morning I woke up, shuffled the cards laid them out and noticed that Thunderbolt appeared in the deck. Last time Thunderbolt graced my cards while I was on vacation I got back to work and discovered that my job had changed.
It meant that I was going to move physically but more importantly the result of the move and change of job would mean a complete stocktake of my life. Unfortunately, there was no extra money. The change prompted doubts, suspicion, and flattery all mingled in together.
You see, Thunderbolt is about a dramatic shift in the physical surroundings – that’s at least how I’ve always interpreted the card of The Tower – in some other decks this card is called the Tower. The imagery or how it is depicted is similar too.
As you can imagine, I got nervous. Without really focussing on the other cards and not wanting to until the day passed so I could form a retroactive perspective on events.
It turns out the change to my physical surroundings was announced on the news and to me when my mother and husband rang to advise me of the Premier’s decision.
Yep. It’s the greater Brisbane area of Queensland, Australia. We were going into level 4 lock down as of 6:00pm for three days. Thunderbolt card now makes complete sense sitting in the Future Energy position.
It also makes sense for yesterday’s Change card . And although I refer to the position as the Feelings position, the position has typically also covered on upcoming feelings. The timeframe I’ve read this at is within the next one to seven days. The duality of meaning was there yesterday, I just hadn’t had my precognition turned on :).
Now you have context, let’s see what the other cards had to say.
The Cards
Position one had Friendliness. The night before I talked with my husband about getting the dinners for the weekends. We had used all the HelloFresh meal kits for the week and decided that we needed a few things from the supermarket.
Not thinking the shops would get too busy for a three day lockdown I didn’t rush. But I did decide to go earlier rather than later so I could get back to doing things for the website. Kind of like, the sooner I go the sooner I’ll get back.
Glad I did, the line at the local supermarket was already quite long 200 metres, maybe. Anyway, in line which was the Now position when I did the cards this morning. While waiting there was a bit of solidarity. If you like, a Friendliness.
Totality as the Influencer in this circumstance meant that I need to commit totally to the shopping. But there is the subtle hint at the total lockdown to come. The nice part of going into lockdown was all the support from family and friends we received. Very touching.
Silence in the Goal position can be read as literal or figurative. The Osho book refers to Silence as a quietening of the mind. For me, it’s bliss. A time to turn inward. It is like a sense of being one with the universe.
The Distant Past has Postponement. So, there were certain things I was postponing yesterday; going to the shops, contacting the web developer and approaching a friend to help me out with some editing. Most of which I had dealt with.
Naturally, dealing with things that I’ve stupidly been postponing brought with it the cause for Celebration. And look at that, the Celebration card is in the Recent Past position. What else can really be said? Postponement overcome created the Friendliness I felt with my fellow line-upperers (yes, I know that’s not a word) which in turn is cause for Celebration.
Now, how does all this fit in with the Future energy position of Thunderbolt. Remember that the Thunderbolt card is about the change to physical circumstances and the trigger for a reassessment of one’s situation. Just because I know its coming doesn’t mean I’ve lived it :).
I fully expect that the Future energy card will last the three days. It will be interesting to see if Thunderbolt appears at all. Personally, I’d be surprised if it did since it’s the future position.
The Feelings position has The Creator. The Creator is about working on oneself to improve oneself. So, the card and position implies that I will be working on myself creatively.
On the other hand, I have found that this card can have the other kind of creator that works with nurturing something beautiful and physical into being. There is a plan to put together a media gallery tomorrow. We’ll see if I do any deep diving on myself.
Others’ views is Past Lives. Not quite sure how to interpret the Others’ views position when I’m reading for myself. It’s much easier reading this position for others. I find there’s more of a distorted view on anything I think other people might be thinking – as good a guess as it can sometimes be.
No! In the beginning I said that when I view Past Lives it is for this life time only. The cards or I know this. So, this is why it has come up to read with that interpretation. Others’ views then means that I am bringing back what I used to do. That’s for those that have known me for some time, that is. Makes sense. There’s a lot of my Past Lives cropping up at the moment.
This next card in the next position does not come as a surprise to me. Laziness is one of my greatest Hopes & Fears. Oh! To fully enjoy the contentment of being able to sit back and not worry about things slipping.
On a more serious note, I go into overdrive whenever Laziness crops up in a reading. There’s a make sure that I’m kicking myself off the lounge and cleaning, reading, typing, creating or just doing something. Then the fear sneaks in that I will miss something. Especially the thing the card is actually referring to, which is probably what I’m lazily avoiding because I’ve “been there done that”.
The title of this post is “Doing thing Properly” and the card of Morality’s appearance in the Outcome position had me pursing my lips. Had this post been written before the day had transpired the “irkiness” I felt at seeing it would have come through.
However, here is a situation where the card makes complete sense. The Morality card symbolises societal conditioning and conforming to expectations. Words that usually arouse the prickliness in me and whispers for me to see if the boundaries are spongy or breakable :).
It took quite a bit of self-discipline to quell that rebellious reaction. Luckily, I’ve learnt not simply to blindly rebel to something when someone says it’s moral and assess whether is has validity for me. Of course, in this case it completely makes sense to follow the “right thing”.
Yet the COVID lockdown announcement encourages people to conform to do things properly – social distance, wash hands, wear a mask. Ironically, by conforming and doing these things you are actually heroic. You are contributing to stopping the spread of the virus and potentially saving lives. All by doing things properly.
Morality from Osho’s intent, is about being sequacious (thank you Susie Dent – UK Countdown for the word of the day) and unthinking. It’s all about revalidating what the right thing to do is. From a Chinese proverb, “he who believes too long in something soon becomes wrong”.
It’s the “half life of facts”, if you don’t keep renewing the data you have it will become outdated. Basic mathematics is used daily and is tested for validity and is therefore kept up-to-date’ so too should morality be tested to retain validity.
Day 007 – Times are a-Changing
7 January 2021
Today's Cards
Context
Well, my day started later than planned. I have side-tracked A LOT! Equipment I needed, lighting specifically, to finish some of the work I had planned to do for the website, wasn’t available in the stores I visited. I may need to rethink the day’s tactics because it seems times are changing throughout the day. Not having what I needed meaning my day was a little frustrating, and then I remembered I was on vacation – yay!
Unfortunately, I did some doom-scrolling today. For those unaware of what doom-scrolling is, it is the act of clicking on one fearful headlined article to the next. Doom-scrolling operates on your fears and slight morbidity for you to keep scrolling. You go from one morbid or frightening item to the next.
At the moment, it’s mainly the feeds trending on Twitter re the US Presidential election status in the United States. I’m disappointed that a dynamic individual such as Trump hadn’t behaved with dignity like past presidents when he knew that times are a-changing. Even when the president runners-up of the past felt robbed, they acted with more dignity!
Win-Lose when times are a-changing
In his last four years, Trump has failed to portray anything but an “us versus them” attitude, alternatively the school of win-lose instead of the business term of win-win. When you’re running a country, shouldn’t the aim be for a win-win (win for the country is a win for you)? Win-lose means that for one party to win, the other party has to lose. The UK Prime Minister, Mr Boris Johnson, has shown personal growth (movie terms his character has had a character arch) in recent times.
The win-lose concept is appropriate on a sports field; it should not apply once you’ve already won in politics. When Trump won the 2016 election, his attitude should have gone from one of win-lose to win-win. Remembering politicians are responsible for the people who elected them and those who didn’t – that’s democracy. It might help to remember, “a rising tide lifts all boats”.
Anyway, I digress. By the way, speaking of “times are a-changing”, I mixed things up a bit by changing the shuffling method. Today, I put the deck on a flat surface and swished them around as a washing machine does. Let’s see what the cards have to say.
The Cards
Cross - the first three
Once again, the day started with Possibilities in the Now. I wonder whether this is how my day begins when I have great aspirations? As we know, there were things I wanted to do, mainly get lighting, so let’s go with that.
This week’s popular card is Schizophrenia, and my Influencer appears to be that old ‘rock and a hard place’ thing preventing movement for fear of everything collapsing. The very nature of the card, Schizophrenia, tells us that it’s a blocking card.
The block could very well be the lack of being able to purchase the piece of lighting equipment I wished to use today. The company had sold out of the product I wanted. There were expensive versions available. However, I’m not sure how much I am going to use this device or not. Nor do I know if it’s going to be effective.
Part of me then thought if I got a cheap one, it wouldn’t work well, and it wouldn’t be effective anyway. Why isn’t this card called confusion? So, it looks like I discovered my rock (wait for the expensive one) and a hard place (go cheap and hope it works) – you can pick which is which. In the end, I decided that I could work without either and simply make do with what I had at home. Only to discover that what I wanted to do wouldn’t have worked anyway!
It’s incredible that the Goal position has the card of No-thingness – or as I like to refer to it as ‘potential’. Today, however, I think “nothing-ness” is more appropriate. It felt like I had not accomplished anything. I wanted a blank slate. Aha! I remember I sent off payment to get my logo changed. There’s potential to get something moving! My goal lives!!!
Times are a-changing from Distant Past to Future Energy
The Distant Past card of Comparison had me stumped. Although, I did pleasantly note that it had moved to this position. Like a big, “phew”! However, it just dawned on me that I was frustrated not getting through my list of to-dos because of the success of the other day. It all went so easy. Perhaps refocussing on a vacation day helped me not be so hard on myself.
As for the Recent Past position, the card of Turning In makes complete sense. Yesterday, I recommenced meditating. Meditating is a phase I go through. For ages, it worried me thinking that I would lose the discipline or the desire to meditate.
I am trying to turn it into a habit. But it’s a part of me. I’ve been doing it, and I enjoy meditating – even if it gets painful. I’m always glad I’ve taken the time to meditate, forced, disciplined or otherwise.
Another form of turning in for me is to do yoga. I was still a bit sore from the other day’s reacquaintance with the practice – ouch!
Future energy position has the card of Playfulness. Apart from annoying the dishwasher today, there wasn’t a lot of Playfulness in the day. There was dragging our second cat Valentine around on the bedside mat for a few twirls just to try and upset him. Sadly, that failed. He just purred happily and lay flat on his back for a pat. Maybe it’s yet to come :).
Base
The Feelings position regarding my situation of Possibilities not going to plan was/is Change. Osho Zen, on the metaphysical level, speaks of the cycles of highs and lows. The patterns of joy and sorrow. The Change card is about recognising the pattern and breaking it.
It can also mean that there is Change afoot. Some inner change will require assessment and a shift in perspective.
Or it may be at that moment when I discovered that Comparison between my productive day and expecting that today wasn’t going to be like that. There was the potential, as I had said above, that it was frustrating. Indeed, there were elements, if I resigned myself to treat the day as a vacation day instead of wallowing in the frustration, the pattern would break.
The position of Other People’s Views holds the card of New Vision. The New Vision view means other people see me as connecting with something that is “me”. Let’s face it, the only person at this stage I can gauge that off is my husband. That’s probably following yesterday’s Dobby story. My husband has also seen the other stuff I’ve been working on, which may also present that impression.
Oh, the Hopes and Fears position is Participation. Participation in this spot could have so many meanings now, and to some extent, they are probably all relevant. However, to keep this concise.
I would love to get some participation going with a feedback loop and the “like, subscribe, notification” kind of thing happening, apart from the fact that I would need to find an intelligent developer person to help me out with that. It scares me too. It’s kind of when this s*it gets real!
Predicted Outcome
The Outcome position is Consciousness. The card is about having a crystal clear and focussed mind and not having it flicker from place to place like an undisciplined inner child.
Consciousness is a lovely card to end on, particularly around mental clarity. There is undoubtedly some clarity around what I want to accomplish. Being unable to get the equipment I thought I wanted has made me think of alternatives that might work, maybe even better in the short term.
I plan to put up a page regarding the card layout tomorrow. I haven’t decided whether I will post off the page to an editor to fix up or whether I will just subject you to it. Let’s just see what happens.
Day 006 – Butterflying!
6 January 2021
Today's Cards
Butterflying Context
Today’s blog is about Dobby the cat, me, a spider and the word butterflying. And it’s about transforming Mikki, the logo figure.
I know butterflying can mean splitting a piece of fish or meat in two to create a butterfly shape. However, it has always sounded like it should represent the act of becoming a butterfly to me. For the website, it’s appropriate as a metaphor for opening up my insides and sharing them, in a sense butterflying my soul. Hence, the usage of the term butterflying.
Yesterday’s reading ended with Schizophrenia or about being caught between a rock and a hard place, with me thinking nothing else but sleep could happen before I went to bed. How wrong I was!
The Spider and Me
As I prepared for bed, I spotted a massive huntsman spider on the ceiling above the bedroom door. You can link to the image about the size is in this article. Normally, I would call my husband to relocate the spider down to the creek. However, when I was single, I used to just leave it, but it was right ABOVE THE BEDROOM DOOR! And like in the article mentioned above, they’re safe, but they do jump at you if you want to get into an argument about ceiling space.
My hard place was I wanted to go to bed and didn’t want to open the door because he might go into the bedroom and wake my husband. It’s also been a few years since I had slept with a spider in the room. I’d be a hypocrite to say I don’t kill spiders, I just don’t kill ones this size, and besides, it’s not lethal. Just scary.
The rock was the spider and its location. I did not want to be jumped by the spider! So, I took a deep breath and let go of going to bed just at that moment and let go of trying to capture the spider but simply decided to wait until it moved – that elusive third option.
It moved. Over the dining table, then over the glass table where our small tabletop Christmas tree sat. At the base of the tree’s base were Christmas cards, family photos, unwrapped presents and a bowl where my husband kept his wallet at night. Basically, not gettable, although I got the back scratcher and flung a few cards off the table.
The Spider and the Cat
One of our cats (Dobby, the ginger) showed up and thought he would be my rescuer. The cat would do what it would do, and the spider would do likewise. It was an interesting game to watch. Knowing hunters typically need movement to trigger the hunt, the spider was amazingly still for quite some time.
All my attempts at trying to get Dobby to see the spider came to naught. To Dobby’s credit, he did eventually spot a movement. Interestingly, when it saw Dobby’s head turn toward me, the spider chose that moment to make its move.
Unfortunately for the spider, Dobby turned back too quickly. Then the cat and spider’s chase was on. The spider won the battle, primarily thanks to the glass table – it was always on the other side of where Dobby was. It was pretty funny!
Of our two cats, Dobby is the better strategist. He lay himself down by the glass table and was content to wait. It was near midnight, and this was like noon for him. So on that note, I went to bed.
When my husband woke in the morning, I warned him about sticking his hand in the bowl to grab his wallet – just in case spidey wanted to make a home in there during daylight hours. It turns out spidey lost the war because, by morning, he was no more found dead on the floor.
For the simple reason, things still happen after I’ve written my blog and before I’ve shuffled the cards, I am contemplating writing the day’s events before I deal with the cards for the new day. Writing at this time will give the card cycle a proper 24-hours to work.
Butterflying Reflective Mikki
Anyway, today’s activities were focused on my website again – this time more about improving the logo’s design. A comment on the logo’s shape that I agreed with had been troubling me since I created it. There was just something missing. Something that would make Reflective Mikki, the figure’s name, look like it was contemplating rather than doing a sit-up.
So during the day, I drifted from element to element and decided I would obtain the services of a logo specialist/ professional to help me out around the page. It was then realising when I started this venture a year ago; I hadn’t clearly identified my requirements for the site. To some extent, I still don’t, but by going live and posting, I’m discovering my real needs and can now put something together.
Another thing I started writing on both the “about me” page or simply reword the text on the “home page”. I will need to chat with an expert about which avenue is better, one or the other or both. Nonetheless, I wrote the text for both, and in writing, I discovered what was missing from the logo – a soul! The glowing soul light overlaid with yin-yang rotated to align with the earth’s axis.
So today, I sent off the tweak to the logo to the designers for a quote to adjust it to fit. But I can tell you I’m so happy the addition of the “soul light” ties in all the elements, and it makes sense of who I am both in the text and the tweak to Reflective Mikki. So comfortable, even if I am opening my life up in it! But that’s the whole purpose of the blog and of butterflying, isn’t it?
Okay, let’s see what the cards had to say.
The Cards
Cross starts with Butterflying
Firstly, the card of Beyond Illusion a beautiful card. Today the butterfly overlaying a serene person’s face is attracting me. It makes me think of transformation and the caterpillar that came before the chrysalis into the butterfly. Based on my day, I would say it applies.
Today’s Influencer card is Courage; this can be read as both influencer and blocker. It required courage for me to decide to open up in the “about me” area. Yet, the very lack of courage could have prevented the growth. Mind you, I haven’t published it yet – one tender flat of the wings at a time.
And look, the Harmony card has returned but in the Goal position. According to the Osho Zen Tarot book, my goal is to “follow my heart whatever the stake” (p. 116), which fits with my goal today. Both with my logo and the new addition to my page.
I think from the focus of today, and it has undoubtedly come from the Rebirth of the website. Tick that off as the Distant Past card being accurate for today too.
Looking at the Recent Past, again based on what I have written about my day, word Integration sums up what I’ve been trying to accomplish. Talk about spot on so far.
I certainly hope Sharing this with people interested in having a nibble or even interested in a more extensive read of this site is what I would like to do. Just deciding when to share it is going to be a challenge. Maybe tomorrow. However, looking ahead at the Hopes and Fears position, timing will be my challenge.
Base
Well, I am certainly feeling more playful with what I write and how I write it. Yes, the grammar isn’t perfect. I will try and get better – there are still some mental landmines put in during my school years by well-meaning people that I need to diffuse before I understand grammar completely.
Nonetheless, I hope to make the site fun in parts. If we’re going to do this for a year, a sense of humour is needed. So my Feelings position (see what I did there) for the site today is that it needs Playfulness.
The Other People’s Views position on the emerging butterfly is all part of Experiencing life and growth. Fingers-crossed; not sure how the logo company will feel about the change in logo design – again.
So position nine, Hopes and Fear, is Patience. Aha. Patience and I don’t see each other often. Suffering FOMO (fear of missing out) at times pushes my patience to impatience quickly.
Funnily, if I don’t think about waiting, patience is its reward. The question is, how long do I wait to engage the developer? I know I would like “right now”. Developer’s cost money, and I want to make sure that I have enough to cover what I need. Not much I can do about it right now – tomorrow.
Breakthrough is a fitting Outcome card for the day. The one I’m particularly excited about is the logo one. Yippee!
End Day 006 - Butterflying
Day 005 – Too Much Thinking
5 January 2021
Today, I wrangle with an exercise hangover, and the headache is not from too much thinking! Although, overthinking was a struggle sometimes.
Firstly, yesterday I got out my yoga mat and decided it was time to exercise to maintain flexibility. I turned on the Nintendo Wii and put in the Fitness First yoga disk.
Today, I had an exercise hangover from the exertion, and the lactic acid in my muscles contributed to a headache. Even with a couple of headache tablets, the thumping was still there, chastising me for being so thoughtless not to continue yoga as part of my regular exercise regime.
On the whole, I wasn’t feeling well and was keeping my activity to a minimum – basically sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself.
Let’s see what the cards had to say about my day!
Today's Cards
The Beginning of Too Much Thinking
The first card is the card of Maturity. The Maturity card refers to being comfortable with your skills. For me, that’s true because I can get a post onto a website now 🎉.
It’s interesting to see the Harmony in the Influence position. Harmony influencing Maturity would mean the maturity I have gained comes from a place of peace and ease instead of, say… frustration.
The Goal position is Morality. Because I am aware of my situation instead of reading for someone else, I will differ from Osho’s interpretation. Except Osho highlights that this card is about being prim, proper and following what society expects when it constrains us.
Sometimes I read this card to mean wanting to do things “properly”. For instance, I would like to edit my website properly rather than winging it. And as a snow ski instructor said to me, there are two types of skiers those who can survive the mountain and those who can ski it. His comment was in response to discovering I was an Australian in a ski lesson, and it wasn’t my first lesson. The first class will teach you how to survive the mountain. The more you attend classes, the better at skiing you get.
Australians in Switzerland had a reputation for being terrors on the slopes because they did one or two classes and thought that’s all there was to skiing. Unfortunately, it made them dangerous to others and not very popular or thought of an overthinking anything – skiing wise.
Sometimes Morality can be a good thing. I want to build my website, and I’d like to be doing it correctly. Not because I want to conform and be constrained, it’s because I want to be efficient and considerate to others using the mountain.
Still Overthinking
No-thingness appears in the same position as on Day 3. Today’s events were born out of potential. Two days ago was Sunday, and when I start an exercise regime, it’s usually started on a Monday. That’s when I made the decision I had to exercise.
The Recent Past with The Miser in this position may resemble the fact I had previously been stingy with my exercise. Also, I’m probably too cheap to pay for a gym when my argument is that if I can’t get myself motivated at home, how will a gym be different?
That brings us to Future Energy which has another one of my favourite cards, Mind – not! Luckily for me, I did not notice this card at the beginning of the day because it usually means mental turmoil. The Mind card itself is enough to induce confusion. Today my Mind was possibly simply a reflection of my headache.
Layout Base of Too Much Thinking
The next card is easy to work out Healing. Indeed, I felt getting acquainted with the couch was a method of healing. I could not do much except binge watch something.
Now I’m not sure how to interpret the Projections card. Based on what I said on day one, Projections is about placing your expectations upon another. Does it mean I’m projecting onto others? Or am I feeling the projections of others? Thinking on it, it’s probably the latter. The only barometer I have in my situation is me, and therefore, if I am feeling sorry for myself, I expect my husband to do likewise 😏.
The Comparison card in the Hopes & Fears position is a caution against comparing myself and others. For the last couple of days, I have progressed quite nicely with my knowledge and, in the background, some future content. The fear when seeing a “lack” of progress is that I will give up on it.
Comparison gives me pause and makes me recite my current mantra, “I am not them, and they are not me, I need to let each of us be free”. “Free” meaning free to each be ourselves without harsh judgment. Just because I can guess what someone might be thinking doesn’t mean the person will act upon it. Like Agatha Christie’s, Hercule Poirot commented that it is okay to kick a table when you are angry with someone, but it is not the same as kicking the person.
The Outcome
Anyway, the Schizophrenia card as the Outcome indicates being at war between a rock and a hard place. Osho’s suggestion for overcoming the difficulty is to let go of both things at once. I’m writing this at 11:00 PM, and the cards dealt at 8:00 AM. The difference between dealing and writing allowed for a headache to form, and to continue writing is a challenge for me.
After five minutes of trying, it became apparent that I was accomplishing nothing on the website, and the thinking was delaying my headache from getting better. Any thought seemed to make concentration all the more challenging. Welcome to Osho’s definition of Schizophrenia.
Did I mention I was stubborn? Well, I can be. I persisted a little longer to try and do both, but the third option of self-pity won out. A good thing, too, because I would have hated to miss writing this post.
Overthinking the Summary
Harmony allows Maturity around the growth that seemed so painful at first. However, the Goal of Morality, doing things correctly, has been set from a past full of potential (No-thingness) to the tight constraints of The Miser putting limits on growth. Breaking free will confuse the Mind.
Confusion is the beginning of new growth and Healing. Taking time to heal is necessary. Others’ Views are Projections of themselves or perhaps placing unrealistic interpretations on the questioner.
The fear borne of Comparison can be limiting, but Comparison can be helpful if it is with oneself and one’s personal growth.
Schizophrenia holds the balance of two unfavourable options keeping both causes a split in loyalties. The solution to the split is to follow neither.
Day 004 – Compromise is a Bitter Pill (edited)
4 January 2021
When a ten-year-old forgets to pack a charger for his favourite game device. His options are few, and he’s taught the lesson that compromise is a bitter pill.
Not much to say at the moment; my day felt productive, although there isn’t much to show for it, more like working on the foundations. My advancement concerning website development has stalled as I have a functioning post template.
Today’s apologies extend to you because the site is a little challenging to get around, and there isn’t a lot of information filling areas of the site. I will get there – I promise :).
Before we progress, however, I’d like to explain how I shuffle. After I lay out the cards and take the photo, I gather the cards and put each one back into the deck separately. The theory is that if the cards show up together or close to one another, it’s shuffling results, not the product of them having to have been together when they started.
Compromise Context
Compromise is the word of the day, it’s in the Outcome position, and I don’t like it. My dilemma was getting a charger for my nephew and worrying about COVID-19 implications while trying to send the parcel. I needed to negotiate with a ten-year-old; he’d left the charger to the Nintendo Switch at our place.
His choice was to wait for the charger, buy a new charger (which his mother wasn’t having any of because she wanted to teach him about consequences) or play another device until the charger arrives. My nephew wanted to convince my sister to buy a replacement charger. The Compromise inevitably was he would play with another device until the charger came.
On the last day of my nephew’s visit, his mother put him in charge of making sure the electronic equipment he wanted back home was packed. Ironically, too busy playing on the Switch, he neglected to pack it.
Sending the charger was my mission today 🤔. On the other hand, my nephew had to compromise on the electronic gadget on which he played. It was a bitter pill for him to swallow, but hopefully, he learnt something. Insult to injury, he was unable to blame anyone but himself. Once my nephew swallowed the compromise pill, he was okay with it (not that he had a choice).
That said, let’s get-go!
Cross leading to Compromise
The first card of the day in the Now position was Traveling. The Osho Zen interpretation of the Traveling card is about the journey, not about the destination. Thinking back on the day, it was very much about enjoying developing material for the layouts and finding out how to record the back-end writing. However, I have a destination, which is building something for you, dear reader, to view. However, there is more to do and much more to learn. The journey of my nephew’s charger’s runs parallel to my own. His charger is ready to travel.
The second card in the Influence position was Ordinariness. There were some things I needed to do at the post office. The post office situated amongst shops, and I took the liberty of moseying through some of the shops at a leisurely pace and simply enjoyed doing everyday stuff.
My sole focus was to post a “gift” for my nephew, which due to COVID-19, I was unable to give him personally. Since this was something I wanted to get done, it counts as a goal. It aligns with the card of Completion in position three. On the parallel path of the website development, I wanted to get some aspects finalised, too.
From the Past to the Future
Position four, being the Distant Past, has the card of The Miser. The Miser, I suspect, might be how I would typically be when it comes to the post office; get in, post the parcel, and go home. If needed, there might even be a quick dash to the supermarket to pick up groceries. So, The Miser who robs people of time or is very stingy with money spurned the opposite today. Often we can outgrow what was in the Distant Past, showing that we have grown.
The Recent Past has The Dream’s card, possibly someone misreading a situation by placing romantic, trusting, or unrealistic notions upon it. I confess I did do this—romantic ideas of completing sections of work miraculously. In my nephew’s case, it was him trusting that his mother would pick up the Switch charger as part of her packing up (we know how that went).
The Future Energy position shows Participation, which is all about enjoying life. It’s about noticing the beauty in which you exist; this is what the goal of Ordinariness suggests, being a part of existence rather than separate from it. Time to not be a spectator but a participant. In my case, it was getting stuck into the website; in my nephew’s, it was about participating in the travel experience and ensuring items he cared about got packed.
Base of Compromise
So, what are my Feelings on the issue? Going with the Flow is a beautiful continuation of the current state (Traveling) and links beautifully with the Participation of Future Energy card. There’s not much more to say on this position. I am not fighting the stream for my website, and my nephew is accepting he cannot play the Switch.
Other People’s Views in position eight appears congruent with the Goal card, too. I’m viewed as listening to my Inner Voice. I love this idea, although I know it is a fleeting state like everything. It’s hard to maintain listening to your Inner Voice.
Position nine and its card reflects the inner Hopes and Fears; the card is The Source. The Source is about finding your core and doing what you need to do. It might be prudent to remember the advice in the Traveling card of enjoying the journey rather than focussing on the result. My fear is of the pain in knowing that the moment of connection with The Source is temporary.
Finally, the tenth card and Outcome position has the card of Compromise. I’ll fess up; I don’t like this card. I’m not sure how a Compromise can occur when you’re Going with the Flow or participating in life and enjoying each moment of life. If I take the situation back to the Now, perhaps a compromise needs to set a plan and provide discipline to meet it. Penalty, in this case, being contrary to Going with the Flow.
Layout Summary Reading
Travelling with myself aided by Ordinariness of enjoying the journey, Completion occurs through Participation. I’ve learnt from The Miser from a Distant Past and overcame the unrealistic notions of The Dream. The Dream is an ethereal construct designed to distract from the longing in the Now for a future made of rose-coloured glasses.
Because listening to an Inner Voice reflects in the Going with the Flow, there is the hope of connecting to one’s source and connecting to the soul, The Source. However, all is not rosy, and a Compromise may happen to ensure progress continues.
Day 003 – Full of Possibilities
3 January 2021
If you were wondering whether things were looking up on how I post stuff on the site, they are. I learnt how to remove the duplicate headings I was encountering on Days one and two. Fortunately, I was able to update them without deleting the page – which is a bonus. Also, things are looking a little less scary around the website today.
Now into the cards!
The first card, in the Now, is the card of Ice-olation. Osho typically identifies this as a card where one feels alone due to pushing others away and not accepting help.
At other times, it had appeared to me when I had felt no one amongst family, friends or co-workers could understand what I am going through. In part because I didn’t want to burden them, and in certain circumstances, I chose to suffer alone.
Today, I started with feeling like I didn’t want to burden people with my website. Little did I know that things were ticking away happily and sorting themselves out in the back of my mind. This processing of ideas in the background, I would attribute to the Silence I was feeling around how to progress a situation that I thought was a dead end.
So, I set about my day and accompanied my husband to buy a new pair of work shoes. Buying shoes is what the Ordinariness card symbolised in the Goal or crowning position. It was something ordinary that I enjoyed. Although I dreaded the thought of shopping around for hours to find the right shoes, it turned into something swift, with the shoes also being on a massive discount as a result of the January sales.
I also decided to purchase a COVID-19 mask to have on hand for those times I might wind up in circumstances where social distancing is a bit more challenging to maintain.
The No-thingness card, which sits blankly in black, represents potential. Like an empty glass awaiting fulfilment, a blank canvas awaiting the artist’s creativity, it’s the ebb-tide or the moment between the in-breath and the out-breath. Where the in-breath has finished, but the out-breath hasn’t quite started yet. It’s just that moment of waiting – potential.
It is pretty beautiful, and as I type about No–thingness and thinking back on what I wrote above about my dead-end, it was probably No-thingness at work.
The position of the Recent Past has the card of Totality. The Totality card is about that moment when you completely surrender. It is the moment when the tide begins to turn, and the out-breath starts; it’s the moment of letting go completely.
There is no progress without risk, and then letting go is the risk. The out-breath is a risk that there might not be another in-breath, but we surrender because we cannot stay in a moment forever (even if we can forever live in the moment!). After we returned from shoe shopping, I sat and experimented continually on my website and risked losing everything.
Stupidly, I hadn’t backed it up beforehand mainly because I didn’t think I would experiment too much; but like pulling on a thread of an idea, everything started to unravel – in a good way. The notion upon idea was triggering solution after solution; what’s more, it was working. I didn’t want to stop working on learning something else because I would get distracted and lose my train of thought. Erh… you mean like backups. They’re tomorrow’s problem :).
From the Recent Past, we move to Future Energy sitting to the left-hand side of the question. Today’s card is the card of Completion. This card nicely completes the metaphor of the out-breath. The out-breath reaches its maximum point. The card shows a person’s face made up of jigsaw pieces, with the final item put in place. It’s the moment of exhalation when you’ve been waiting to exhale.
The next card starts with what I usually perceive as the inner strip. In my view, it deals less with the physical and more with the emotional aspects of the situation. This strip begins with position seven on how the questioner feels about the question.
Sitting above the seven is position eight and seeks to identify how others view the questioner or the questioner’s situation about the questioner.
The ninth card, positioned above the eighth, aims to surface the questioner’s hopes and fears on the question. Finally, directly above position nine is the tenth card, which is possible, given the other elements make sense.
Today’s position seven has the card of Compromise. Compromise in the Osho deck means a half-half situation. It’s when the final score of a game-ending in a draw. It’s a non-plus or stalemate situation. It’s better than a loss, but it’s not a proper win because each party has lost something in the deal.
Indeed, although I made progress concerning the website and the creative activities in the background, there are elements that I’ve sacrificed to keep momentum. There’s also a little bit of sleep surrendered – but with improvement comes rest. So, yes. I do feel that my isolation has triggered some personal sacrifices. Talking about my life on the internet also feels a little scary.
Position eight has the card of Sorrow seems to indicate that my sacrifice isn’t going unnoticed. The card shows Buddha’s trusted companion Ananda crying on the first day of the year. It is the only day Ananda allows himself to weep for the people who haven’t reached enlightenment yet.
Perhaps my husband, who has witnessed my rants around the house, has noticed sorrow – maybe he’s feeling like Ananda because I hadn’t reached enlightenment yet.
Moving to position nine and the card of We are the World. I hope everything would come together just like I wanted. That’s pretty much what the Completion card shows with the last piece put into place. With the final element in place, addressing the next hurdle can be tackled. I’ve been working on developing a dynamic stats page, a media library and getting the All Posts page up, not to mention the layout and instruction PowerPoints. Oh… one step at a time!
That leaves the final position, position ten, located directly above position nine. Most times, I’ll be able to identify whether things have panned out, given that the photo of the layout happens at the beginning of the day, and I write about my day and the cards at the end of the day.
The Outcome position has Possibilities. Based on today’s progress, I feel things have indeed fallen into place – not everything, but more than I thought possible a mere fifteen hours ago.
Layout Summary:
Grounded in the Distant Past, No-thingness spurned a self-imposed Ice-olation blanketed by Silence. In reaching for and embracing Ordinariness, Totality arises and builds the foundation for Completion.
Completion with Compromise that others felt as Sorrow not realising the inner hopes and fears were about harmonising in We are the World. Without the Compromise, Completion of Possibilities would not be possible.
Day 002 – Where The Master Sits
Saturday, 2 January 2021
Day two, and we’re off to a great start. We can see that some cards have moved around from yesterday, and new cards have entered the day. All to be expected since, at some point, I’m hoping all the cards to appear. So far, all my thoughts are on getting the website moving, and I have today discovered the way I would like the site to look. Because of my basic skills, I’m working in PowerPoint to get the look I want and hopefully will be able to present that to a developer to build.
The Master in the Now position or position one is quite interesting. However, I have felt today has just been. Any enlightenment prompted by Past Lives was also hindered by them. Now, what does this mean? First, although I believe reincarnation is a thing, I also think we can exit the reincarnation cycle if we follow our intuition.
However, one life has multiple lives within it. We change so much that sometimes we look back on our very existence to find the person we once were is almost unrecognisable to who we are now – shackled by fears borne of past experiences but enlightened by the positive ones too.
For this site, this is what I mean when I refer to “past lives”. Fittingly, a quote from Osho, which I loved before I found the banner goes like this: “One can live this same ordinary life in such an exquisite, extraordinary way that it becomes sacred, but there is no other life than this. You have to learn the art of transforming this very ordinary life into something beautiful”.
In this deck, The Rebel card represents breaking away from enforced societal norms. Each person grows up with differing expectations, and therefore something radical to one person is commonplace to another.
My aim associated with the Goal position is to break away from my traditional upbringing. Because I come from a conventional project manager background, my schooling teaches me to understand the look of the end product. New project management is that it’s iterative. Hence, start with something and then improve upon that as you go along.
You may have noticed that The Rebel card has moved from yesterday’s “Future Energy” position to become today’s “Goal” position. If I were reading this for someone else, I would say the questioner is in the process of breaking away from some societal constraints and, while breaking them, is aiming to break free of some more.
The Moment to Moment card that sat in the recent past yesterday has today moved to the distant past. Unsurprisingly predictable (except this is Tarot – so, it is surprisingly surprising 😁. Also, the Possibilities card has moved from the “Now” position to the “Recent Past” position. It is suggesting, the possibilities were present and acted upon to some extent. Again, this appears to be a logical way for the cards to move. Sceptically, you might argue that it was not a good shuffle. From a probability standpoint, it was always a likely outcome.
The Future Energy position has the Breakthrough card, which yesterday acted as an accelerator to Possibilities while simultaneously putting the brakes on others. It now looks like the energy surrounding the Breakthrough is going to continue. On day one of the 365 days of Tarot, I had a breakthrough in website development. This Breakthrough motivated me to finalise where I want to go with my home page and adjust my existing logo, but there’s still a little way to go before I can publish the new logo (let alone the old one).
The Breakthrough is driving a Rebirth in my enthusiasm to get things moving along more quickly. Others probably see the attempts I’m making at launching like I’m unexposed to the new world of web development and posting. And you know, you/ they’d be right!
My inner fear is Morality, with all its constraints, will inhibit The Rebel in his trying to break free of tight bonds. Trying to identify which bonds to escape and their respective costs always worries me a little. On the other hand, I hope that I stay within the confines of acceptable – if not expected.
Now, The Miser card has moved from the Distant Past position yesterday to the Outcome position today. If this were a separate standalone reading, I would be tempted not to link the two or the respective progress. Now my faith in “me”, knowing on a subliminal level what I’m up to, leads to another interpretation.
Yesterday, I mentioned looking to hire a web developer and had projected all my fantasies of someone just taking over development like they worked for me and knew what I wanted intuitively. This projection wasn’t reality. I had projected my hopes onto a poor unsuspecting innocent. Because I do not want to spend money on yet another web developer, The Miser card would certainly be appropriate.
Forewarned (and because I dislike The Miser card) could prove motivation for me to do the complete opposite. Hmmm.
Summary
No longer weighed down by Past Lives, The Master has become The Rebel. The Rebel previously embraced Possibilities by accepting and moving from Moment to Moment that drifts to the past. A Breakthrough continues to inspire Rebirth into Innocence for all to see. The shackles of Morality bind while the inner spirit wishes to be free, and yet The Miser comes from Morality and its sensible confines.